OLD POT RULES GO UP IN SMOKE

I have this weird feeling that some balding guy with a ponytail, dressed
ina tie-dyed shirt, is going to stand up during an upcoming public hearing
to establish rules for medical marijuana use and say, "Rule No. 1: Don't
bogart that joint, my friend."

Then another child of the '60s or '70s will offer helpfully, "When you're,
like, down to the end of the joint, you should use tweezers to hold the
paper so you don't burn your fingers, man."

When it comes to formulating rules for the use of marijuana, I suspect
Hawaii has a deep bench of experts willing to offer their expertise.

The Department of Public Service actually is looking for suggestions on how
to implement the state's new medical marijuana law for the benefit of
patients. The rules also are supposed to help the police differentiate
between those toking up for medical reasons and those toking up for the
hell of it. The department is not looking to stroll down memory lane -- a
SHORT lane for many old-time pot smokers -- to get tips from former dopers.

Nevertheless, recreational users have a vested interest in making the new
rules as hazy as possible so that cops won't storm through doors every time
they smell marijuana smoke.

There are plenty of young pot smokers the new medical marijuana law won't
affect. They know how to stay off the enforcement radar. I'm worried about
all those 40- and 50-somethings out there who smoked marijuana in college
but gave it up when they became productive citizens and, in some cases,
newspaper columnists.

For years, Honolulu's air has been relatively clear of that distinctive
sweet aroma that ignited marijuana produces. Suddenly, the smell will be
back, wafting seductively though the air. Floating with it will be
philosophical questions like, "Hey, if marijuana is good for sick people,
how can it be bad for people who are perfectly healthy?"

Demonizing pot has been a battalion-sized effort in the decades-old war on
drugs. Marijuana was the ENEMY. But do we have true enemies anymore? Today,
U.S. Secretary of State Madeleine Albright does a funky Asian-style
macarena with North Korean school children, McDonald's fry cooks storm the
Kremlin and Chinese arms merchants hang out in the Oval Office.

Fidel Castro has become some kind of cigar-chomping grandpa from the
Caribbean branch of the Walton family to whom we return runaway children.
And marijuana -- which we were told as kids was the devil's weed and a sure
path to addiction to heroin, morphine, laudanum, opium and, if I recall,
submarine sandwiches -- actually is just another chemical that can be used
for good.

We suspected as much. While many college kids raided submarine sandwich
shops after a few hits off the bong, opium dens were not common in the quad.

The elevation of marijuana to a legitimate medical tool in Hawaii and other
states means it no longer is the enemy. It is the Kim Jong Il of controlled
substances: kind of dangerous, but something we can work with.

So you guys holding hearings on rules for medical marijuana use, go easy on
the few confused souls who show up who might not quite understand what's
going on.

If they suggest a rule that volunteer health-care assistants be allowed to
take one hit of pot for every two the patient takes, remember, they are
just trying to be civic-minded.

Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite" Monday, Wednesday and
Friday. Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, P.O. Box 3080,
Honolulu, 96802 or send E-mail to cmemminger@starbulletin.com.