"I WANT TO DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE"

Juvenile Offenders Share New Year's Regrets And Resolutions

Lodie Fuller of Eugene has been working with the teen-agers at the
Lane County Juvenile Justice Center for more than nine years as a
volunteer relaxation therapist, counselor and, often, confidante. The
$39 million center replaced the 42-year-old Skipworth Detention
Center. It opened last March as part of the John Serbu Youth Campus
on Centennial Boulevard.

Roy is biding his time at the Lane County Juvenile Justice Center,
waiting to be placed with Pathways, a drug treatment center. If he
can get himself straight, he hopes to become a chef.

Fuller recently contacted 20Below about the possibility of having
some of the teens write about the wrong turns they've taken in their
lives, what they're doing to help themselves get back on the straight
and narrow, and what advice they would offer to other teens who may
find themselves walking the same dark roads they once traveled.

"To have them heard by the community is really an exciting
possibility," Fuller says.

We agreed, and thought it most appropriate to publish their
reflections as a new year begins, when resolutions and fresh starts
often are made.

I HAVE ALWAYS loved to cook, ever since I was little. Now I want to
be a chef and hope to own a restaurant someday. I know that I won't
be able to do any of this if I keep doing drugs, fighting, and
breaking into cars and people's houses.

Now, I am sitting here in jail thinking about what I did and how I
wished that I never did it in the first place. Now, I am waiting
placement for Pathways, a drug treatment center where I can get drug
treatment so I will stop using. That way, I can fulfill my goals to
be a chef.

- - Roy

I have a lot of hopes and dreams for the future. I want to be able to
have a nice, clean and sober life. I want to be able to go to college
and get my master's degree in psychology so I can help kids, just
like I'm getting help right now. I want to have a nice family. I want
to be able to reach out to the teens and young adults just like
people reached out to help me.

- - Trish

If I had to start over, I would not have gotten involved with the
gangs, then the girls, and started smoking weed, because these three
things opened the doors for acid, 'shrooms and crank - not to mention
stealing cars and lying to cops, which has landed me here. So I will
urge you not to get involved with drugs, alcohol or gangs, or you
might find yourself here with me. And it is no fun.

- - Anonymous

If I had to start over, one thing is, I'd listen to people's advice.
It would have helped. But just like they said, I wouldn't listen and
would find out the hard way, and that I did.

Some advice that I was given was that stealing would get me nowhere
and it all would come back to me, and that it did. Eventually, I
learned my lesson. Another is that smoking pot would get me nowhere
The combination of those two got me detained and feeling sorry about
my choices.

Third, I wish I'd have developed better study habits during junior
high, because it screwed me over when I got to high school.

Those are the three things I'd most love to change. School is very
important to your future and school takes up a very small part of
your life. If you can't accomplish that, what does that say?

There are choices - the right ones and the wrong ones. Think about it
and which will be better for you.

The saying, "You don't know what you have till it's gone," is so very
true. If anyone is reading this, please listen, because I'm the one
who's in the 8-foot-by-10-foot cell, missing the simplest things such
as eating lunch out on the grass, smelling fresh air, hugging my mom.
All those things are so valuable. I wish you knew!

- - Mitchell

I wasn't really ever into drugs. My drug of choice was alcohol.
Alcohol destroyed my life from the first drink. The very first time I
used alcohol, my so-called friends left me in an alley, unconscious.

The cops found me at 10 at night half-dead. I had hypothermia and
alcohol poisoning. I was struggling for air, only breathing about
five heaves a minute.

My parents and boyfriend were both told I would not live, and if I
did, I would be either in a coma or brain-damaged. I've been told it
was a miracle I woke up the next day with only a hangover.

I was sent to a lock-down drug and alcohol treatment center for the
last 10 months, where I was educated about the disease of alcoholism
and many drugs I had never even heard of. I am almost 3 1/2 months
pregnant now, and even though I no longer drink, I am continuing to
attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings for support of my sobriety.

I want to be as much of a positive role model for my child as I know
I can be. I think it is very important, whether you use drugs or
alcohol. You need to educate yourself and your family all about the
cycle, about what leads up to someone deciding to use drugs or
alcohol and the progression of the cycle.

I will tell you the truth: Growing up I was in the Drug Abuse
Resistance Education program. I said I would never use drugs. I
didn't even know alcohol was a drug or that it could hurt me. I am
very happy to be alive today. I was given another chance. So whenever
I think I want to drink again, I look back at what alcohol did to me,
my family and my relationships. Now I know I don't even want to take
one sip of alcohol ever again.

- - Rosann

I want to keep myself clean. I also feel the need to, because when I
was not clean and I was using, I hurt a lot of people around me - the
people who cared about me and people I didn't even know.

Ever since I have been clean and sober, I have found myself looking
better and having fun in different ways than just doing my dope and
drinking my beer. I finally realized that I have hurt three people
that mean the most to me: my mom, my stepdad and my little brother.

When I came here, I looked half-dead. Thanks to my parole officer and
the staff; they have helped me out a lot.

I feel the need to keep myself clean because I want to do something
with my life - not be seen on "America's Most Wanted" or something. I
feel I need to be clean because I can be a positive role model for
people and help others be clean.

I just wanted to say sorry to my community and my family for hurting you all.

- - Kristie

Before I came to detention, I feel I was a walking mess. I was
robbing people. I feel now that I'm in here, this is where I needed
to be.

In a way, I'm glad I'm in here because I have the Lord in my heart
now, and that is the best thing that happened in my life. It's the
best feeling knowing that he is there and will always be there.

If I had a second chance before I came here, it would be with the
Lord in my life, and I would not have done the things I had done. But
now that I realize the things that I need to realize, I have faith in
the positive things that I need to do in this society.

When I was outside, people always thought I had an excuse for
everything I did. Back then, maybe I did. But now I will show people
that I am real. The only way I can say that and really mean it is
because the Lord is in my heart.

But when I get out of here, I'm going to have a clean slate and will
be going to the Job Corps. I will be living a normal and wonderful
life. I'm so thankful for the feeling of happiness, thanks to the
Lord Jesus Christ.

- - John

All my trouble started when I was in the eighth grade. I've been on
probation for most of my teen years and still will be until I'm 18,
which is about a year from now. If I could start over, I would. I
would never have used drugs and I would never have had sex at the
young age of 11. I don't know if I would even meet the people I hung
out with. Probably not, even though I still love them very much.

For some advice to other kids:

1. Never put your friends before your family. If you have a good
family, they'll always be there for you; your friends won't.

2. To girls: Stick to your morals and beliefs. Don't ever let a guy
take advantage of you, no matter what he says. If he's for real,
he'll wait.

It has brought me much hurt over the year and in different ways. I
would change things and start over, most definitely. I plan to change
my ways. I've already started and it will be hard, but as long as I
have the Lord by my side, I can do it.

- - Elisia

If I had to start over, how would I live my life differently? First
of all, I would go to school and do what I was told whenever or
whatever it might mean. I messed up my schooling at such a young age
that by the time I knew that I had messed up, I felt that it was just
too late and that there was no reason to start being good and doing
what I was told.

So that's where I really messed up, because I could have changed my
ways. I'm really glad that I realize that now.

- - Kyle