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Just say whoa. If you think President-elect Bush is having trouble with his
Cabinet nominees, wait until the inaugural. Investigative journalists should
be able to expose hundreds of people who didn't admit their illegal
activities.

Musicians playing at the eight inaugural balls all received letters from the
Secret Service asking for signed statements that they don't use drugs.

"Why would any musician want to do drugs?" said Robert Hoffman, a baritone
saxophonist with a jazz swing band called Nightcoach, which will be at the
Presidential Armory Ball. "And this from a president who was alleged to be a
coke fiend in college and had how many DUIs?"

Just think if every musician tells the truth to the Secret Service. There'll
be a lot of Republicans doing the bunny hop to the swinging beat of Dick
Cheney's bypass quartet.