DARRYL, NEXT TIME JUST CALL A TAXI

Ah yes, what to do about Darryl?

Sometime today Tampa's version of ``The Lost Weekend,'' will appear before
Hillsborough Circuit Judge Florence Foster to learn his fate as a serial
probation violator.

No matter how Foster treats Darryl Strawberry, her ruling will set off yet
another wave of controversy over how to deal with someone who, by all
appearances, has precious little interest in contributing to his own
rehabilitation.

This much Strawberry should have learned by now: When you're living in a
court-ordered drug treatment facility, it probably is not a good idea to
have someone who is a crack addict drive you to an Alcoholic's Anonymous
meeting.

It's merely a suggestion.

Of course, that assumes Strawberry was telling the truth about the crack
addicted chauffeur, who apparently led him into the company of even more
unsavory types, who kinda, sorta kidnapped him, which led him to Daytona
Beach before friends returned him to a psychiatric ward in Tampa.

Let's face it, as conspiracy theorists go, Strawberry has less credibility
than UFO radio host Art Bell.

Still, Strawberry isn't in trouble because he may tell whoppers the envy of
Bill Clinton.

He's facing big house time because he reneged on his word to a judge that -
THIS TIME - if only given just one more chance, he would clean up his act
and go straight.

You'll probably find no shortage of opinions around here that Strawberry
has burned his last bridge in the ashes of a crack pipe and deserves to go
straight into the Florida prison system.

And, indeed, anything less than that would infuriate the strict law and
order types, who already feel Strawberry has gotten more than his fair
share of breaks simply because of his celebrity status.

There's probably some truth to that, too.

Strawberry's future is also exceedingly problematic, since he is appearing
before Foster, whose nickname around the courthouse is said to be ``Let 'em
Go Flo.''

Geez, Judge Judy has a tougher reputation.

Thus, Foster might be predisposed to treat Strawberry like something out of
``Papillon'' in an effort to set an example and send a message that she's
not the pushover many believe.

Would it make a lot of people happy? You bet.

Would it do any good? Don't think so.

The tragic fact is that Strawberry is a horribly flawed, tortured soul. He
is a drug addict, not a drug trafficker, with colon cancer no less.

Would it make a lot of people happy to send him back to the drug treatment
center he was attending, only this time with more monitoring equipment
attached to him than the National Security Agency? You bet.

Would it do any good? Don't think so.

Strawberry has pretty well made it clear that if you give him even a
scintilla of freedom and an iota of personal responsibility, it's only a
matter of time - about as long as it takes to strike a match - before he is
doing his Al Pacino impersonation from ``Scarface.''

This guy couldn't be trusted to go out and pick up the paper from the
driveway in the morning for fear the whole thing would degenerate into the
days of wine and strawberries.

Because Strawberry has another problem. He is dumber than a sack of snipes.

If you believe in reincarnation, in another life, Strawberry had to be a
sea slug.

Add all those drugs on top of all that stupidity and you're probably
inching closer to why the former baseball great is in the fix he's in.

It's true, Strawberry's woes are legion, but so are the number of people
who care about him.

Foster could opt for a Solomonlike solution, combining harshness with
compassion by ordering Strawberry into a confined drug treatment facility
for as long as it takes for him to assume control over his behavior.

How long could that take? .

That would be up to Darryl Strawberry - one day at a time.