A PERSONAL STORY

"I've been clean now for just under two years," said the serious
young man who asked to meet with this reporter in March of 2005. "I
thought you might like to hear my story seeing as how you are running
all these articles about meth in your paper."

The young man, who will be known as Tim for this article, was
referring to a series of articles that the Star/Journal printed in
the early part of 2005 regarding crystal meth abuse within the
community and the steps being taken to address the problem. After the
interview Tim asked that we not run the article. He had second
thoughts about it being published, We agreed to respect his decision
and did not publish the story.

Tim's story is sadly all too common - what happened to him is still
happening to our young people - drug abuse problems have not changed
since Tim first spoke to this reporter in March of 2005.

It is well over a year since that interview but the issues regarding
substance abuse are still out there and Tim says he is now ready for
his story to be told. He tells of his experience with crystal meth in
the hopes that it will strike a "common thread" with another youth,
and perhaps that link will give them the determination and hope that
is the first step to the rest of their lives.

"I started my addiction with alcohol when I was 15," said Tim, "I
liked to drink beer with my friends and every so often someone would
bring hard liquor and we would drink until we were falling down
drunk. We thought we were having a good time. Some sort of rite of
manhood. If you didn't drink to excess you didn't belong. You were a loser."

Tim told of how the alcohol use had progressed to marijuana use.

"Somebody lit up one day. Then we all had some. It was cool. Made me
feel pretty grown-up. Smoking and drinking - I thought I'd come of age."

Family and friends tried to talk to Tim about his drinking but he
always managed to have an excuse. When his parents started to get too
tough he just drank more and ignored their attempts to prevent it.

"Just to prove I could," said Tim, "Pretty soon you do it because
somebody said you shouldn't. My folks were never home much. Both of
them worked, dad worked out of town, mom visited friends in the
evening, played bridge, that sort of stuff. I pretty much had

the house to myself. The booze and the marijuana fooled me into
thinking I was in control of my own life. I could do what I wanted to
do. All of a sudden I felt I fit in. I was cool. I ran with the "in" crowd."

Taking the next step, the jump to crystal meth was an easy one.

" When I met my dealer to buy marijuana he offered me meth to try for
free. I thought "Hey man it's free! Believe me, it was anything but free."

The effect of meth was so different that Tim immediately went back for more.

"After a couple of times meth was the only way I could get a buzz.
Nothing seemed to be complete without it. Four of us always hung out
together. We partied, drank and did meth. We were totally wasted most
of the time."

Asked how he managed to pay for his habit Tim stated that he had a
part-time job on weekends and had a substantial savings account
created by the generosity of relatives who always tucked cash in with
birthday and Christmas presents.

"Meth was cheap to buy and it made me feel good," said Tim, "It was
all I cared about. Having to go to school, talk to people, just to
even exist seemed to be taking me too far away from the feeling I got
from meth. All I wanted to do was use the drug. Nothing else."

Avoiding his mom - leaving the house before she got up, coming home
after she had gone to bed - he became an expert at living a life of
secrets and shadows. Losing 40 pounds as a result of meth Tim soon
found his clothes too big, his eyes sunken, and he didn't care.

"I never felt hungry. In fact the sight of food sickened me. The only
hunger I had was meth. Sometimes when I woke after a long sleep I
would feel hungry but as soon as I looked at food it was nauseating."

When his mom finally confronted him about having an eating disorder
he tried to brush it off with an excuse about having sore gums from
wisdom teeth coming in.

"My mom could see I was looking like death. She knew something was
wrong but I think she was afraid to think it was drugs. I just kept
telling her I was growing and that I was going to be a skinny bean
pole instead of a football kind of guy. She believed me for a long
time. She even believed me when I said the blemishes on my face and
arms were acne and my school counsellor said they would soon go away."

But one day Tim's mom had to recognize that things were all wrong
with her son. By now meth's tell-tail skin sores, mood swings,
sleeplessness and crashing were all very much a part of Tim's life.
She confronted him, and although admitting to using drugs Tim showed
no inclination to stop.

"I just had my own little world," said Tim, "Here was meth and there
was me. I needed more and more meth to keep feeling the way I wanted
to be. I really had no idea what was going on around me. I think I
just went through the motions of everyday life. I really don't
remember how I got through each day, attended school, and even kept
my weekend job until they fired me for being late too many times.
Somewhere along the way I even lost interest in my friends. I really
thought I would be happier if I could just hang out at my dealers
house, have my own room or something. My parents couldn't bug me
then. I hardly ever went home except to crash. I really have no
recollection of where I was most of the time."

What turned his course of self-destruction around and brought him to
make the decision to quit?

"I found out that the police had raided my dealer's house. He was out
of business for awhile and I didn't know who to get meth from. I
really freaked. You can't believe how crazy I felt. I think I must
have been hyperventilating or something. All of a sudden I realized I
was scrabbling around my room and it was in a mess. My stuff was
everywhere, drawers pulled out, closet stripped bare, you couldn't
see the floor for my stuff everywhere. I had even pulled the mattress
of the bed. My mom and dad were standing in the doorway of my room.
They had a look of utter horror on their faces and they were both
crying. That was it. Somewhere in my screwed-up head a light bulb
turned on and I saw myself for what I had become and for what I was
doing to our family. I sat down right there and cried. And I cried
with my folks,"

Tim says quitting was "very, very hard", but he took each day at a
time, and his parents took them with him.

"It wasn't easy. I will never be meth free. It is with me every day,
it's just not in me. The craving isn't so strong anymore. I hope it
will continue to diminish but if not that's OK. I know how to handle
it, how to look at the good things in my life instead of meth. I
control the craving, it no longer controls me."

Last week Tim proudly stated during my interview that he has been
meth free for three years. Alcohol free for two years, and marijuana
free for one year.

"It took me awhile to get rid of all my addictions. It was the
hardest thing I have ever done. If my family had not been there for
me I know I couldn't have got through it. I love them all very much.
They have given me an opportunity to be myself again."

Tim says telling his story is important but there are thousands of
stories just the same, some without happy endings.

"There will probably be people who will know who this story is
about," said Tim, "I think I am ready for that now, and my family
says telling what happened to me might help someone else. We want
kids to know they don't have to get high to fit in. We want kids to
know that they need to talk to their parents, family, teachers,
someone. There are lots of programs out there and lots of help. That
is one of the most amazing things I found throughout the past three
years. There are so many caring people who will help you. Our church
helped me to get started. They could help other kids in trouble with
drugs if the kids would just call them. That's all it takes to get
started with the rest of your life."

Resources are available for those seeking help from substance abuse
by calling Alcoholics Anonymous at 672-9643 or 672-5714, Al Anon at
672-9575 or 672-9643, Yellowhead Community Services at 672-9731,
Alcohol and Drug Counselling (Simpcw First Nation) 672-9995, A.A.
Meeting in Chu Chua 672-9643, Crisis Centre for BC 1-888-661-3311 (24
hours a day), BC Alcohol and Drug Referral Line 1-800-663-1441.