THREE CHEERS FOR PRINCE CHARLES THE PARENT

As we have learned, Prince Charles, heir to the British throne,
recently faced a problem many parents face: What do you do when you
learn that your teenage child has tried drugs.

What Prince Charles did, after young Prince Harry admitted to smoking
marijuana and drinking illegally, was to send his son to visit
Featherstone Lodge, a drug-abuse treatment program of Phoenix House in
Britain, where he spoke to recovering addicts there.

We say, "Good for you, Charles," because the prince acknowledged the
problem and acted quickly, firmly and reasonably. At Phoenix House
here in Los Angeles, we counsel dozens of worried parents each month.
While we don't suggest that their children spend time at a rehab
center (unless it turns out that treatment is called for), we do offer
the following advice:

Don't panic. Many kids are likely to experiment with marijuana, and
just about every teenager will sneak a drink or two at some point. If
it is no more than experimentation--a once or twice adventure--that
goes no further, chances are you will never know about it.

But, if signs of drug or alcohol use are clear enough for you to see,
then don't turn a blind eye. Don't respond to adolescent drug use by
denying it.

Be sensibly suspicious. Thoughtful and caring parents are generally
quick to notice changes.

Do your teenage children suddenly have different friends or new
attitudes? Are their grades dropping? Is their personal hygiene not
what it was? Are they spending more time away from home?

If the answers to these questions are "yes," then it's likely that
something is amiss, and you had best find out what that something is.

Sometimes parents have misguided reactions based on the drug involved.
If your son or daughter is found out using Ecstasy or snorting
cocaine, you would be certain to take action. But what if it's "just"
marijuana? The advice is the same.

Don't shrug it off.

Smoking pot not only may open a gateway to more dangerous drug use,
but it's pretty potent stuff itself. Today's high-potency variants
have heavy-duty impact, and the effects of marijuana use, which impair
short-term memory, deplete energy and retard maturation, are
particularly harmful for teens.

Among youngsters in residential treatment for substance abuse, many
used nothing stronger than pot.

Keep cool. You have to confront your child, but do it calmly. Listen
to what he or she has to say. If you know your child, you'll recognize
the lies and get to the truth. Be patient and understanding but, above
all, you must remain firm.

Draw a clear line. Your child has to know that drinking and drug use
are forbidden, and you don't care what other children do or other
parents condone.

Your job is to be the parent, not the friend. So, you can't worry that
taking the hard line will cost you the affection of your offspring.

A warm and gratifying relationship with your child is a reward of
parenthood, not its purpose.

You may find that taking the hard line will help your child deal with
a situation many find uncomfortable. Now, they can pass up pot with no
loss of face, when they explain, "My parents would kill me!"

You don't have to send your child to Phoenix House to meet some
recovering drug abusers. That's appropriate for Prince Charles, who is
the patron of Phoenix House in Great Britain.

But, like him, you must recognize that dealing with drug abuse
effectively means dealing with it candidly, thoughtfully, and firmly.