WHEN A PARENT MUST CONFRONT TEEN'S DRUG USE

Prince Charles, heir to the British throne, recently faced a problem that
many parents must confront - what to do when you learn that your teenage
child has tried drugs.

What Prince Charles did, after young Prince Harry admitted to smoking
marijuana and drinking illegally, was send his son to a drug abuse
treatment program run by Phoenix House in Great Britain. There, the boy
talked with recovering addicts.

I say, "Good for Prince Charles." He acknowledged the problem and acted
quickly, firmly and reasonably.

At Phoenix House here in Austin, we counsel dozens of worried parents each
month. While we don't always suggest that their children spend time at a
rehabilitation center (unless it turns out that treatment is called for),
we do offer the following advice:

1) Don't panic. Many kids are likely to experiment with marijuana, and just
about every teenager will sneak a drink or two at some point. If it is no
more than experimentation that goes no further than a one-or two-time
adventure, chances are you never will know about it. But if signs of drug
or alcohol use are clear enough for you to see, don't turn a blind eye (as
some parents do). Don't respond to adolescent drug use by denying it.

2) Be sensibly suspicious. Thoughtful and caring parents generally are
quick to notice changes. Do your teenage children suddenly have different
friends or new attitudes? Are their grades dropping? Is their personal
hygiene not what it was? Are they spending more time away from home? If the
answers are "yes," something is likely to be amiss, and you had better find
out what that something is. If they are using Ecstasy or snorting cocaine,
you are sure to take action. But what if it is marijuana?

3) If it is marijuana, don't shrug it off. Pot not only may open a gateway
to more dangerous drug use, but it also is pretty potent stuff itself.
Today's high-potency variants have a heavy-duty impact, and the effects of
marijuana use - impaired short-term memory, depleted energy and retarded
maturation - are particularly harmful for teens. Moreover, it is
habit-forming. One of five adolescents who go beyond experimentation
becomes dependent. Most of the youngsters who are in residential treatment
for substance abuse used nothing stronger than pot.

4) Keep cool. You have to confront your child, but do it calmly. Listen to
what he or she has to say. If you know your child, you will recognize the
lies and get to the truth. Be patient and understanding, but, above all,
you must remain firm.

5) Draw a clear line. Your child has to know that drinking and drug use are
forbidden and that you don't care what other children do or what other
parents condone. Remember, your job is to be the parent - not the friend.
So you can't worry that taking the hard line will cost you the affection of
your offspring. A warm and gratifying relationship with your child is a
reward of parenthood, not its purpose. You may find that taking the hard
line will help your child deal with a situation many teens find
uncomfortable. Your child can pass up pot with no loss of face when he or
she explains, "My parents would kill me!"

You don't have to follow Prince Charles' example and send your child to
Phoenix House to meet some recovering drug abusers. But, like him, you must
recognize that dealing with drug abuse effectively means dealing with it
candidly, thoughtfully and firmly.

Michael Hathcoat is the regional director of Phoenix Houses of Texas, which
operates substance abuse treatment, education and prevention programs for
adolescents in Dallas, Irving, Austin and Houston.