TALK DRUGS, PARENTS TOLD

Fifteen-year-olds might seem grown-up, with their sophisticated
attitudes, trendy clothes, big vocabularies and adult shoe sizes. But
they still need the time, attention and support that kids half their
age do, says a drug and alcohol prevention worker who works at local
high schools.

And Karen O'Brien says parents shouldn't assume their kids know
everything there is to know about drugs and alcohol, and can handle
every situation that comes their way.

Parents need to open up the dialogue, as uncomfortable as the
discussion may be, and keep the channels open.

"Sometimes it falls on deaf ears. Sometimes it results in amazing
conversation. And we need to keep doing it," said O'Brien.

That doesn't mean lecturing them from the pulpit of age and experience
as kids soon tune out if their ideas and opinions are ignored, she
said.

"With teenagers, we need to connect through changes happening in their
lives," she said, "listening to their opinions and initiating
conversation with them."

Watching television together might be a good
conversation opener. Teen-oriented dramas, such
as Degrassi: The Next Generation, present
opportunities to discuss moral dilemmas and deal
with dangerous or unsavoury situations.

Freezing while watching a kid's soccer game might be more appealing
than sharing the couch with a teen during their favourite television
drama but O'Brien said watching the tube together can be as important
as building a Lego castle when they were five.

"We often walk out of the room when our 15-year-old or our 13-year-old
is watching and aren't connected with what they are seeing."

Other starting points include talking about what's going on with their
friends, what's on at the local movie theatre or what video games or
technology they're into.

Questions will inevitably come up and this is where the real learning
begins. Parents don't have to be the experts, either, as credible
information on drug and alcohol is freely available on the internet.

"This is where you and your child are actively engaged. You could say,
'Let's look it up together,'" said O'Brien

The young person should lead the inquiry so the information is more
likely to sink in. And if they don't choose to search out information
with a parent, they might pursue it later with a friend, O'Brien said.

Drug and alcohol prevention education has finally caught up with sex
ed. in recognizing that information has to be age-appropriate, she
said.

In kindergarten and the primary grades, the focus is on healthy food
and nutrition, and staying away from poison and grandma's pills.

"It's about what do we put into our bodies and what's healthy for our
bodies, not needle drug use," O'Brien said.

Schools are a good resource and already pack the curriculum with
information on personal safety, health and the pitfalls of cigarette,
alcohol and drug use, and parents can explore these issues further in
conversations with their kids. They can even role-play with their
teens solutions for getting out of pressure-filled situations, such as
getting in a car with a drunk driver or experimenting with drugs and
alcohol, O'Brien said, noting, "Rehearsing gives us more
confidence."

She advises parents to use important moments in a young person's life
to talk about sensitive issues. The transition between elementary and
middle school and from middle to high school, when kids are more
likely to change peer groups, is a good time, as is a trauma or a
crisis in the school community.

Early high school, in Grades 9 and 10, is where most experimentation
with drugs and alcohol takes place, she said. But a lapse in judgement
doesn't necessarily lead to addiction. It can, however, be an
opportunity for parents to reinforce earlier messages, with
consequences if a family rule has been broken, or more conversations
about what happened, why it happened and implications for the future.

"Those are the difficult ones and there's not one answer," O'Brien
said, noting that there are as many ways to deal with crises as there
are families, although a history of trauma around such issues will
raise the bar and signal a need for outside support. For these
families, there are many agencies to turn to, and Share Family and
Community Services, O'Brien's employer, offers both group workshops
and individual counselling.

O'Brien sees no shame in reaching out to others in times of crisis
around drug and alcohol use; in fact, she sees it as a healthy
response. The important thing is to use these moments as an
opportunity to continue the dialogue between adult and youth.

"I think it can feel awkward to do these things with our youth but, in
the long term, it's more effective than taking a lecturing approach."

* This week is Drug and Alcohol Awareness Week. For more information
about drug and alcohol programs and other teen groups run by Share,
including a new group for youth 13-18 who want to talk about drugs and
alcohol .