DANCE OF DEATH: PH.D. TAKES FALL TO ADDICTION

Isaac sleeps in his closet, in a corner carved out from all the dirty
clothing on the floor of his Tenderloin apartment.

That's a long way from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, which
awarded him a dual doctoral degree in architecture and media arts and
sciences a decade ago.

He is now 47 and addicted to crystal methamphetamine, an unusually powerful
form of what's commonly known as speed. He suffers from depression and has
been hospitalized for speed-induced psychosis. He has had surgeries on his
hands for abscesses that he developed from injecting the drug. When he's not
too depressed to have sex, he logs on to the Internet and arranges to meet a
sex partner -- all faster than he can get his takeout delivered.

"I call crystal the San Francisco alternative to the bathhouse," said Isaac,

who allowed entry into his world if his last name were not used in this
story and if he were not identifiable in a photograph.

Alarmed health officials in San Francisco and large urban areas across the
country say situations like Isaac's are increasing -- gay and bisexual men
who become addicted to methamphetamine and mix the drug with risky sex. The
killer combination, experts say, is raising HIV infection rates. And gay men
are trading stories of friends ruining their lives on crystal.

Isaac is not blind to these dangers, nor does he fail to see that the world
he has chosen is an underworld.

"I'm in a world where people could care less whether I live or die," Isaac
said during a brief period of abstinence in February, after a dealer stole
$110 from him. "These aren't friends. They only care about the drug."

Isaac's journey to speed addiction, he says, began shortly after both his
parents died of natural causes in 1994. Not long after, he got kicked out of
his apartment by his then-lover. Isaac went into severe depression.

He had long smoked marijuana and used other drugs, but his first dance with
crystal changed everything.

He was hooked.

"The first time I shot speed I didn't think of the consequences," Isaac
said.

REJECTED BY FAMILY

Complicating matters was the fact that his remaining family members rejected
him after he told them he was gay. Soon he was using drugs even more heavily
as a way of partying and escaping his overwhelming emotions.

"I was crashing in many ways," Isaac said, sitting at a cafe, twitching on
his barstool, fidgeting with his glasses.

Finally, he said, he broke down completely. He lost his computer job after
his boss found out he was using speed at work.

Isaac eventually switched from injecting the drug to smoking it to reduce
his risk of contracting HIV and hepatitis from shared needles. Even so,
intense cravings were an everyday occurrence.

Isaac said he has managed to stay HIV-negative by not allowing other men to
penetrate him during sex. He has, however, put himself at risk by
penetrating others without using a condom.

His life continues to spiral downward.

Almost every inch of his studio apartment is buried in clutter. Toppled
furniture is strewn about the room.

Most of his days are spent toying with Web design and chatting online. His
apartment windows, one of which is broken, are covered with posters and
tape. He sleeps with his clothes on to save on his electric bill.

He lives on welfare payments of $395 a month -- spending $80 to $100 of that
on speed -- and $129 in food stamps. Sometimes he gets free speed in
exchange for sex.

Even on his good days, he has dramatic mood swings and worries how he'll get
his next fix. He's had friends die of speed use -- one killed himself, the
other died of what Isaac called a "hot shot," a lethal injection that turned
out not to be speed.

When Isaac stays high, his days bleed into weeks. He writes nonsensical
phrases on the walls of his apartment. He rides his bike aimlessly around
the city. He roams freely from Internet chat room to room, looking for men
who want to "party and play."

DRUGS AND SEX

Isaac and a typical trick will share hits of crystal from a glass pipe, and,

with the adrenaline coursing, the sex sessions will last up to 12 hours.
Often, they are joined by one or more men, frequently eschewing condoms.

Around Christmastime last year, Isaac fell into a deep depression and
couldn't get a refill for his antidepressants. "You come back to an empty
apartment, and it underlines the fact that there really isn't anyone special
in your life," he said.

"It's a very closed-down feeling for those of us who are not attached, who
don't have family close by. I'm sensing the diminishing returns of using.
I've been ripped off. It ain't worth it. It's not that vital to my life. I'm
looking for something more sustaining than sex. It's a trap."

One of the things that has kept Isaac going is his work with Stonewall
Project, a speed recovery program for gay men at UCSF, where sometimes he
attends recovery meetings and helps the group with content for its Web page.

"I get sick of the whole drug thing," he said. "I want to work. I don't want
to be labeled a drug user. I feel like the last 10 years of my life have
been a waste of time. I live in a dump, I have no money. All I have are my
cat and my computer."

But despite his protestations, recently he happily smoked some crystal --
because he was feeling tired after a meal and wanted to get some work done
around his apartment.

It was now Monday and he had been up since Saturday night.

"I don't want to crash," he said. "I have to go get my bike and I have tons
of work to do. Some people like to drink, or eat. For me, smoking --
cigarettes or speed -- is a relaxing process."

With a dance remix of Madonna's "Die Another Day" playing on his computer's
hard drive, he took a miniature torch to the end of a glass pipe and inhaled
the ghostly smoke, proclaiming it "the martini of the future."

"I want it to be right. I want it to take me to an 'up' place. It's like a
relationship, like a friend, something that will be there that is dependable
and doesn't ask anything of you."

Within five minutes, Isaac is pumping his fists in the air, noticeably
energized and happy. For now. .

Tuesday: A Walnut Creek teenager's story of addiction and the struggle to
escape.
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PUBLIC HEARING The City Hall discussion about crystal methamphetamine and
HIV is planned for 6 to 8 p.m. Wednesday in Room 263. The hearing will be
broadcast live on public-access cable Channel 26.
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WHERE TO GET HELP Community groups offering counseling and substance abuse
treatment for gay and bisexual men struggling with crystal methamphetamine
use and addiction are listed below:

- -- New Leaf Services

Outpatient substance abuse treatment, HIV/AIDS prevention,
counseling.

San Francisco: (415) 626-7000.

The Stonewall Project

Harm-reduction program for gay, bisexual and transgender
people.

San Francisco: (415) 502-1999.

Acceptance Place,

Baker Places Inc.

Residential, outpatient substance abuse treatment program.

San Francisco: (415) 695-1708.

Narcotics Anonymous

Twelve-step meetings around the Bay Area.

(415) 621-8600.

Drug Information and Referral

24-hour hot line providing information for a variety of substance
abuse programs.

(415) 362-3400.

Haight Ashbury Free Clinic, HIV/AIDS Risk Reduction Program

Behavior change support group, specializing in the problem of speed
injection and risky sex behaviors.

San Francisco, (415) 565-1927.

Walden House Multiservices Center

Outpatient, long-term and day treatment for alcohol and drug abuse.

San Francisco residents only, (415) 554-1450.

Nar-Anon

Support for family, friends and partners of drug abusers.

San Francisco, Marin counties: (415) 292-3241; Contra Costa, Alameda
counties: (510) 526-2455; Mid-Peninsula: (650) 321-2334.

Alcoholics Anonymous

Meetings at various locations in the Bay area, (415) 674-1821; in Spanish,
(415) 554-8811.

DANCE OF DEATH

Sunday: Crystal meth fuels HIV

Monday: PhD falls to addiction

Tuesday: Walnut Creek teen's story of addiction and escape