MAYBE JAKE FLAKE NEEDS TO FEEL CRACK ADDICT'S PAIN

It appears that, for the good of the state's citizens, the illustrious
speaker of the Arizona House, Jake Flake, must become addicted to crack
cocaine.

Besides the benefit of keeping him alert during the all-nighter that
typically ends the legislative session, it will help him reach more humane
decisions about what programs to trim in this year's budget.

Flake has been a cutting machine this year.

While Gov. Napolitano has proposed bridging the anticipated $1 billion
deficit through extensive borrowing, Flake and the Republican leaders of the
Legislature have proposed bringing the state's books into balance by cutting
services, including children's health care and substance abuse treatment
programs.

But he is not without mercy. He has spared a costly program, one that
directly benefits his family.

Two years ago, Flake authored a bill that would give grants to certain
ranchers. Last year, the program he designed paid out $2 million to 61
ranchers. Flake's cousin Gaylan Flake was the recipient of one of the
largest grants.

The state Parks Board, which administered the grants, had questions about
the program and suspended it shortly after paying out the money.

But a bill now easing its way through the Flake-led House revives the
program, partly by giving it new rules and partly by moving it away from the
Parks Board and into the Department of Agriculture.

This should allow the payments to continue, despite lingering questions over
whether the state is seeing any benefit for the money.

The checks don't come with any restrictions on how they are used. Some
ranchers use it to stay on their land, keeping developer s at bay. Others
use the cash to start new businesses. Others ranch as a hobby, aren't in any
apparent financial distress and use the money for who knows what.

But that isn't what Flake is worried about. When asked about the program,
Flake's only concern was whether enough of his relatives were benefiting.

"Boy, I'd be surprised if it was only one cousin," he told Republic reporter
Mary Jo Pitzl. "Most of my family is in ranching."

There are undoubtedly benefits to the grant program. Flake notes that it
could be keeping wide-open vistas from becoming blanketed with red-tiled
roofs. Flake knows about the intense pressure to sell out, how tough it is
to keep this historic industry alive.

He knows this because Flake is a rancher himself.

Which is why, for the good of the state, Flake must become addicted to crack
cocaine.

The current Republican budget proposal shaves off about $12.1 million in
substance abuse funding for 10,000 addicts.

It's not like this cut will really save any money. Without treatment, those
addicts will probably end up costing the state more as hospital patients or
criminals.

But Flake can't see that. Because he hasn't been there.

And if personal experience is the only way he can see the benefits of a
program, then it's worth it to hand him a pipe and a rock.

Maybe some police stash. Don't want to see him walk around the blocks
surrounding the state Capitol to get his own.

Drug treatment isn't the only program on the chopping block. But, for right
now, it is one of the few that Flake has the potential to personally
understand.

Since he can't actually bear a child, he can't be made to feel the pain of
cuts in child-care subsidies or prenatal care.

Yet. But give it time. The genomics project has just started.