WE'RE HARDLY THE GREAT WEIRD NORTH

Not-So-Crazy Canucks

I stood on the Victoria Inner Harbour causeway and waited for a flood
of foreigners to surge by. "Geez, I've got a headache," I barked.
"Guess I'll fire up a big, fat, government-grown doobie while waiting
for my fiance, Saddam Hussein."

I know, I know, don't tease the visitors. But like the T-shirts say,
"Why do they call it tourist season if you're not allowed to shoot
them?" You can still wind them up a bit, can't you?

Canada has been winding up the world a bit this year. First we refused
to join the war in Iraq. Then we moved to decriminalize pot. On
Tuesday, B.C. began issuing marriage licences to gays. On Wednesday,
Ottawa announced it would begin selling its own brand (Government
Gold?) of medical marijuana.

This has not escaped attention beyond our borders.

"Whoa! Canada!" was the headline on David Montgomery's essay in the
Washington Post. "Peaceniks, pot and people of the same sex exchanging
wedding vows: It's a trinity from the church of high liberalism, or a
right-wing trifecta of decline and doom," he wrote.

"Just when you had all but forgotten that carbon-based life exists
above the 49th parallel, those sly Canadians have redefined their
entire nation as Berkeley North."

The July 4 edition of the Seattle alternative weekly The Stranger gleefully
featured a cover story titled Why Canada Kicks America's Ass. Included was a
supposed message from Jean Chretien: "As the prime minister of Canada, I've
watched in amazement as right-wingers, homophobes and Christian
fundamentalists destroy your country. From health care to gay marriage to
pot, Canada is now the land of the free ..."

Britain's Guardian carried a Naomi Klein piece under the headline
Canada Gets Interesting, though it was her opinion that Chretien's
recent assertions of Canadian independence are a last-gasp attempt to
mitigate his true legacy, the "ceding of power to the U.S."

The overall theme, albeit delivered with overtones of stunned
disbelief, is that the dull, safe country that gave the world the
bloodless pleasures of Anne Murray, Front Page Challenge and televised
curling has somehow managed to become radically hip and daring.

Some find this alarming. Klein reminded her readers that conservative
U.S. commentator Pat Buchanan now refers to Canada as "Soviet
Canuckistan."

Why is Canada pink on the map? Because it's awash in gay socialists,
hell-bent on brainwashing your kids while they're ripped on medical
marijuana, that's why.

Except it isn't.

As giddy as some may get about our new found status as kings of
cutting-edge culture, under the surface Canadians remain as hip and
edgy as a meat draw at the Legion. Canada is still a cautious,
conservative country.

Forget the peacenik label. Although we didn't go to war in Iraq, the
polls showed Canadians evenly split over the conflict. With the
exception of the U.S. and Britain, the rest of the developed world was
solidly against it. We were, relatively speaking, war hawks.

Don't overstate the changes in marijuana law, either. There's a
difference between decriminalization and legalization. Ottawa's
proposals merely reflect the reality that no one gets penalized for
simple possession anymore. Those caught with pot will now at least get
a ticket and a fine.

As for same-sex marriage, there is nothing approaching unanimity. An
Ipsos-Reid poll in June showed 54 per cent of Canadians in favour, and
44 against. Canada may have had the world's first Anglican diocese to
permit gay weddings, but it has yet to have the second. Politicians
would never have moved on this issue under their own initiative; the
courts dragged them by the nose.

It's great to be recognized as pioneers of social change, Canadians
say, but can't someone else go first?