PIERRE BERTON OFFERS 40 YEARS OF ROLLING EXPERTISE

'Prefer Cone-Shaped Joint'

The ironic thing about Pierre Berton's appearance next week on Rick
Mercer's comedy show Monday Report, in which the venerable journalist
explains how to roll a joint, is that Mr. Berton is not much of a
joint roller himself.

At age 84, he finds it easier to roll his joints with a little machine.

"I've also tried a pipe but it keeps going out," he said yesterday.

Like many in his profession, however, he can speak with authority on
matters about which he knows little, and so he was a perfect fit for
the show's two-minute segment entitled "Celebrity Tips." Previous
installments have featured such notables as health care advocate
Shirley Douglas showing how to jump-start a car and Rush frontman
Geddy Lee riding a toboggan.

As for the mildly controversial subject matter, host Rick Mercer said
Mr. Berton's stature as the grand old man of Canadian letters made it
easier to tackle.

"I wouldn't have anyone else do it," he said. "It wouldn't work if it
was Geddy Lee."

Mr. Berton finds Canada's pot laws hysterical and hypocritical, and
says he does not "give a damn" whether he draws negative attention to
himself by professing his fondness for marijuana, which he has been
using recreationally for about 40 years. He said the last time he used
it was three weeks ago with friends on his patio.

The Monday Report segment opens with a bow-tied Mr. Berton sitting in
an armchair in a sun-dappled meadow in Southern Ontario. At first it
looks like an episode of Hinterland Who's Who.

"Looking back on my career, you know, I cannot count the number of
times a young man or young woman has come up to me and said 'Hey, Mr.
Berton, what's the best way to roll a joint?' " he said.

Cut to the inside of his country home, where a confused-looking
college-type sits trying to squeeze some leafy pot into a
rainbow-coloured rolling paper.

"Well, let me tell ya, it's not that way," Mr. Berton snips
condescendingly, as if the guy were trying to shovel his driveway with
a spoon. "Come on, put that down. Let's start over."

First of all, he said, you will need a good, hard surface. He suggests
his book, The National Dream, or his latest, Prisoners of the North.

Next comes the rolling paper, which is an issue of some controversy in
the joint-rolling community: heavy or fine? white or coloured? Rizla
or Zig Zag?

Mr. Berton, a purist, prefers Zig Zags and refuses to use coloured
papers.

"Now the way you distribute the mix will determine the shape of your
joint," he instructs. "I prefer the classic cone-shaped joint, what
the young people call a 'coner.' "

The difficult part, he said, is rolling it between your thumbs and
forefingers so that it is "firm but not too firm. He says it is
easiest to "let your thumbs do the work."

"Remember, Canada, it's the loose joints that tend to fall apart,
leaving unsightly toke burns on your chairs or on your bow tie," he
said.

At the end of the segment, Mr. Berton lights the joint but is not
shown smoking it. He does, however, appear soon afterwards with a bowl
of cheese puffs.

Asked who provided the pile of weed Mr. Berton used for his
demonstration, Mr. Mercer was evasive. "What are you, a cop?"