DRUG-TEST FOILS NEVER FAIL TO IMPRESS

Congress passed the Drug-Free Workplace Act in 1988, fostering two
industries: Drug-test labs and products to fool drug-test labs.

Today, a House subcommittee begins an investigation into the drug-test
subversion business.

Among the expected witnesses are officials from Signal Hill, Calif.-based
Puck Technologies, which makes a device called "The Original Whizzinator."

This Whizzinator is a $155 subversion kit that comes with dehydrated,
drug-free urine (just add water).

It includes a belt that holds reconstituted urine close to the body so it
stays warm. And it sports an authentic-looking prosthetic that comes in
"White," "Tan," "Latino," "Brown" and "Black" to fool employers who demand
observation of sample collections.

Last week, the Whizzinator made news when Minnesota Vikings running back
Onterrio Smith got caught with one in his luggage at an airport security
checkpoint. Smith said he was carrying it for his cousin, but this sounds
like a celebrity endorsement to me.

Puck Technologies officials declined to speak with me Monday.

But there were plenty of "testimonials" on their website.

"I have to test while being observed," writes a Virginia customer. "Not
only was it undetectable, but I passed with flying colors."

"The Whizzinator is totally killa!" writes an Ohio customer. "My boss is
totally weak ... What does he care what I'm putting in my pipe?"

Says a Michigan customer: "Because of you, I'm not in jail."

The Whizzinator is hardly in a class by itself. A search of the Internet
yields scores of solutions for beating drug tests.

Some of them are dubious. Some are effective, said Barry Sample of New
Jersey-based Quest Diagnostics, one of the largest employer drug-testing
services.

"Any product that would allow a donor to produce a real urine specimen that
is at the proper temperature could not by detected by any lab test," said
Sample, who is slated to speak before the House subcommittee today.

Quest released its semi-annual drug testing report on Monday. It showed 4.5
percent of its 7.2 million drug tests in 2004 came up positive.

The use of marijuana, cocaine, heroin and other popular drugs is about
flat. But the use of amphetamine - particularly methamphetamine - is up 6
percent over 2003.

Of course, these are just the people who got caught.

"To a certain extent, a pre-employment drug test is an IQ test," Sample said.

Are you smart enough to stop using for a few weeks when you know you have
to take a drug test? Or can you fake it?

When it comes to fakers, Mountain States Employers Council labor attorney
Karin Ranta-Curran has heard it all.

"I've heard of people freezing urine for times when they need it," she
said. "I know of one fellow who tried to pass off the urine of his wife."

(Note to test takers: Men and women have different metabolites. As the old
saying goes: This is not your cup of tea.)

Most companies still use urine tests. Other tests rely on samples of hair,
blood and saliva. But there are products on the market to fool these tests,
too.

The Drug-Free Workplace Act requires companies seeking federal contracts to
drug-test workers. State governments followed suit after it was passed. And
today more than 60 percent of companies use some form of drug testing.

"Many companies have a policy that drug testing is universal," said Dr. Tom
Barela, national medical director of The Segal Co., a New York-based human
resources consulting firm.

That means CEOs and VPs too.

Denver executive recruiter Martin Pocs of DHR International said he once
recruited a "vice president of leadership development" for a major
corporation. The candidate got the job, but stalled on his required drug
test. Just as the moving vans arrived at his home, his drug test came back
positive for marijuana.

"He said he had been smoking with some Harvard professors," Pocs said.

The offer was immediately withdrawn.

"If we test athletes, why shouldn't we test senior executives?" Pocs said.