LOOP GADFLY BUGS MANY, BUT DOES HE DESERVE SQUISHING?

NINE YEARS AGO, Vladimir Noskov called members of the local media to let us
know that he and his girlfriend were going to try to send bandages,
children's aspirin and hydrogen peroxide to the children of Iraq. We will
not be allowed to send these things, he said.

That was because of the sanctions imposed on Iraq after the Persian Gulf
War. To members of the peace movement, which was floundering in 1996 - what
was there to protest against? - these sanctions were criminal. Thousands
and thousands of children were dying, the activists said. So Noskov and his
girlfriend decided to make a scene.

Making a scene was something Noskov did on a regular basis. I would get
calls periodically. A group of us are going to chain ourselves to the gates
at McDonnell Douglas, he might say. That sort of protest might have to do
with bombs. Or he might say that he and some friends were going to blockade
a gas station. If I remember correctly, that protest had something to do
with South Africa.

When he wasn't making scenes as a protester, he was making scenes as a
gonzo journalist. He did some work for a local radio station known more for
its music than its news. He also did some work for a television show on
cable access. If he got paid, it wasn't much. Then again, you didn't have
to pay somebody like Noskov. A press credential was more than enough
remuneration.

In the fall of 1992, Margaret Kelly was the state auditor. She came to St.
Louis to announce the results of an audit of the St. Louis circuit
attorney's office. George Peach was then the circuit attorney. Earlier in
the year, he had been busted for soliciting sex from an undercover cop who
had been posing as a prostitute. Reporters from this newspaper went through
some financial records and wrote that money from the circuit attorney's
office was missing. That led to the audit in which Kelly confirmed that
money was missing.

That fall was a nice time for political scandals. Bill Webster was the
attorney general and the Republican gubernatorial candidate. He, too, was
under investigation. That led to Noskov's only question at Kelly's press
conference.

"Who do you think is sleazier: George Peach or Bill Webster?"

"No comment," said the auditor.

You can see why I liked Noskov. He was part of the social fabric, a
participant in the Great Debate. Yes, a smart aleck and a publicity seeker,
but still, there he was, making scenes, taking the path less followed.

He is now going to be deported.

The story was in Tuesday's paper. Noskov was at Blueberry Hill in the
Delmar Loop. He was being an idiot, and he caused a minor scene, and the
police were called. He was brought to the police station and allegedly
pushed an officer. He was charged with a city ordinance violation of
assaulting a peace officer.

That incident set off flares in the U.S. Bureau of Immigration and Customs
Enforcement. It turns out that Noskov had been busted in 1984, when he was
22, on a marijuana charge. He did a year's probation, and that was that. Or
so it seemed. But under current laws, legal aliens who have committed
certain crimes have to be deported. And the marijuana charge counted.

Deported because of marijuana? I can think of very few people my age who
didn't smoke marijuana. Certainly I did. Even the president did. And now we
have to pretend it's awful?

Of course, this would not be happening if Noskov ever had applied for
citizenship. Why didn't he? He came here as a kid. I wrote about that when
I wrote about his idea of sending medicine to the children of Iraq.

"He came to this county from Russia in 1976 with his mother and his sister.
Like so many of the Russian Jews who left their country, they were
extremely smart people. Vladimir's sister got her share of the brains and
all of the ambition. She became a citizen and is now a professor in Boston.
Vladimir got his share of the brains and all of the sense of romance. He
has chosen not to apply for citizenship. 'It just seems more romantic to be
stateless,' he told me."