CZARS AND TRIPE FOREVER

Did you know Denver has a czar?

Yep. His name is Robert "Bob" Dorshimer. He's director of the Office
of Drug Strategies. And he seems like a nice guy.

Incidentally, czar translated from Russian means king. And I ask you:
Have we learned nothing from "Schoolhouse Rock"? Remember? "No More Kings."

In any event, Denver's drug czar will soon be caught up in an
important political battle that may have national ramifications.

Last year, a Denver ballot measure ostensibly legalized possession of
up to an ounce of marijuana by residents 21 and older. The measure
passed by an impressive margin of 54 percent to 46 percent.

Still, Denver has only barely legalized pot, because those who
possess pot are rarely charged under city ordinances, but rather state law.

Well, to repair that glitch, SAFER (Safer Alternative For Enjoyable
Recreation) Colorado is putting together a statewide initiative that
would, by changing one sentence in the Colorado statutes, give cities
the right to legalize.

This is the context in which national drug czar John P. Walters,
director of the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy,
found himself Wednesday in Denver. He showed up to unveil the
country's drug-control strategy.

But before the specifics were divulged, the media were led to a
drug-rehab center, where we were buttered up by cute babies and their
formerly addicted moms.

One young mother went - impulsively, no doubt - out of her way to let
everyone know that she was a victim of the gateway drug, marijuana.
As if crack babies and meth moms aren't scary enough.

But fear not, Walters says things are looking up for the nation.

President Bush claimed in his State of the Union that "drug use among
youth is down 19 percent since 2001."

Walters has been so successful, in fact, that while Bush made
much-needed "across-the-board cuts," the White House Office of
National Drug Control Policy's budget was somehow increased.

And Walters says his office will "expand what we see has worked."

You know, like increasing random drug testing for children.

And jail time. Police arrested an estimated 771,608 people for pot
last year, the highest ever recorded by the FBI.

And trampling on freedom. The Drug Enforcement Administration has
undertaken actions that make National Security Agency wiretapping
look like an Amnesty International operation.

When I asked Walters if his office would actively campaign against
the Colorado ballot initiative, he demonstrated something called
Washingtonese: Which is to say, he spoke for a couple of minutes -
passionately and convincingly - without coming close to answering my question.

I was duly impressed.

The governor, however, did answer the question. Bill Owens told us
that he would be part of a coalition of government and civic leaders
opposing the pot initiative. He also also said he was looking forward
to the debate.

In fact, most of the government officials I met claimed they looked
forward to debating the initiative as a way of educating the public
about drug use.

Who will they be debating?

Unfortunately, they'll be up against SAFER's mastermind, Mason Tvert
- - who held his own news conference. His message: Marijuana is safer than beer.

Frankly, the drug czar should just hire Tvert. Though they may
disagree about marijuana, Tvert's bone-chilling nonsense in regards
to alcohol's evils closely resembles Carrie Nation. It would be a perfect fit.

But just because Tvert's arguments are flawed doesn't mean czars are
any less dangerous.

However well-meaning kings may be, I get a bit nervous when they want
to "educate" me.

Not to mention that they often seem out of touch with the ones
they're trying to reach.

For instance, when the national drug czar tells the room that today's
potent pot is "not your father's marijuana," I just assume he's
trying to make us jealous.