THE DARK SIDE OF EUPHORIA

Drug Memoir Deconstructs The High Life

Review

The Agony of Ecstasy by Olivia Gordon

(Continuum, 181 pages, $24.95)

Drugs, drugs, drugs.

People have been doing them forever, but some never learn until it's too
late that too much of a good thing is a bad idea.

Olivia Gordon, an English writer and journalist, spent a sizable chunk of
her teenage years fighting her way out of a killer depression brought about
by too much high living.

The Agony of Ecstasy, Gordon's autobiographical account of those times,
chronicles her discovery of ecstasy, the wonder drug that swept the world
rave scene of the late '80s off its feet in a rainbow-hued euphoria.

Born in 1978, Gordon spent her teenage years flitting between her quaint
Oxford home and debaucherous clubbing with friends in South Africa.

Stuck at home in the academic atmosphere of Oxford, Gordon is just another
student with scholarly parents and an academic pedigree to match.

Set loose in the hazy clubs and raves in Cape Town, however, the bookish
girl quickly discovers her wilder side.

Teenage experimentation with drugs starts harmlessly enough, but when
Gordon gets her first hit of ecstasy, her world shifts from black and white
to pulsating Technicolour.

The change is also in keeping with her newfound friends.

Gordon's buddies in England worry more about grades and appearances than
cutting loose, while her Cape Town clique just wants to party.

Thanks to ecstasy, a chemical creation that gives users a euphoric high,
the all-night, every-night philosophy of these hardcore clubbers gets a big
nudge in the wrong direction.

Descriptions of her first psychedelic encounters are captivating, if
tainted by the knowledge that it doesn't take long for the stuff to
seriously short-circuit users' brains.

As some drug experts now attest, excessive use of ecstasy can result in a
deficiency of serotonin in the human brain.

It's a controversial claim -- opponents say there's not enough science to
back it up -- but there's plenty of anecdotal evidence that too much
ecstasy leads to crippling depressions that can't be easily shaken.

Gordon certainly makes a case for the former, and in her detox aftermath
she's prescribed a long list of attempted remedies that tax both her sanity
and her parents' healthy wages to the max.

Her return to health is also fraught with well-intentioned, but dangerously
inept solutions.

One "expert," an esteemed psychiatrist in Cape Town, decides Gordon is
borderline schizophrenic, and pushes her to take a liberal diet of
tranquilizers to put things right.

The suggestion doesn't work. In fact, it's only with time the darkness and
paranoia begin to recede.

As Gordon notes, though, the trauma never really disappears completely.

While such a tale could have been an irritating story of self-destruction,
Gordon's smart enough to present her situation for what it was -- innocent
fun with inadvertently serious consequences.

As The Agony of Ecstasy makes extremely clear, today's users are taking
serious chances if they seek the synthetic rush their predecessors did.

The drug remains a popular intoxicant of choice among clubbers, so a
cautionary tale like Gordon's is a welcome bit of sanity.

Peter Green is a reporter for the Calgary Herald and a frequent contributor
to Books.