Just Say Something:

TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT DRUG ABUSE

If you're like many parents of teenagers, there was probably a moment
last night, as your child left to hang out with friends, when you
wondered, "Where is she going?" or "What is he going to be doing?"

But then she came home safely, and he wasn't drunk when he walked
through the door, so all's well with the world this morning.

Or is it?

Experts say if parents aren't having crucial conversations with their
teenagers - about sex and drugs and alcohol - they can pretend
nothing's wrong. And for the umpteenth time, this week some of those
experts all but begged parents to start talking.

A new survey by VitalSmarts shows that most parents are afraid to talk
to their teens.

"This poll reinforces a disconcerting trend we're seeing with parents
today," said John P. Walters, director of the White House Office of
National Drug Control Policy (ONDCP). "Too many parents are avoiding
tough conversations - or tough stances - because they're afraid of
jeopardizing their relationship with their teen. Parents must follow
through on their responsibilities and set clear rules against drug
use."

The survey shows:

More than half of parents surveyed believe their teen goes to parties
where drugs are available.

Nearly half believe their teen has friends who use
drugs.

Despite that, few parents are doing anything about
it:

Almost six in 10 parents surveyed admit to having some degree of
difficulty in getting their teens involved in meaningful conversations
about their concerns, such as who their friends are, how they dress,
and how school is going.

Nearly eight in 10 have difficulty getting their teens to respond and
are not sure their teens listen.

Half the parents said the strategy they most often use to monitor
their teen's activities is to stock the fridge so teens and their
friends will be more likely to hang out at home.

Fewer than one in 10 said they are checking up on their
teen.

Only two in 10 are asking questions to try to find out what's going on
when it comes to drugs.

VitalSmarts, a company that created Crucial Conversations Training
for corporations and published the New York Times best-selling book,
"Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High,"
invited its 50,000 newsletter subscribers to participate in the
survey and, though it only received 605 responses, few would question
that the results speak for thousands of worried mothers and fathers.

"There are three specific challenges this generation of parents face,"
said Alison Birnbaum, a social worker and parenting expert, during a
Web-based press conference this week, organized by ONDCP. "In order to
have meaningful conversations regarding drugs and in order to set
limits firmly, parents must overcome these obstacles.

Birnbaum said the first problem is that parents become overinvolved in
their children's lives and social successes.

"They want their child to achieve popularity because that is seen as
marker in our culture for happiness and success. Unfortunately, in
order to achieve this goal of popularity, some parents - actually many
parents - see partying and drug experience as inevitable."

The second challenge for parents, Birnbaum said, is that they don't
like to criticize or police their kids.

And the third challenge, she said, is overindulging children "with
material things that (parents) feel will capture the loyalty and
attention of the child. And this leads to a superficial rather than a
deep involvement with the child's developing self."

VitalSmart's co-founder Joseph Grenny said: "There isn't a more
crucial parenting conversation than talking to a teenager about drugs.
And most parents feel entirely inadequate, so they procrastinate it or
speak up badly."

Not a good idea, say Grenny and others, given these
statistics:

The number of youths age 12-17 admitted to substance abuse treatment
increased 43 percent between 1994 and 2004. The increase was largely
attributed to those entering treatment for marijuana dependency.

While ONDCP research shows that, from 2001 to 2005, illicit drug use
and marijuana use declined 19 percent among teens when asked if they'd
use those drugs "during the past month," the research also shows that,
every day, more than 3,000 young people ages 12-17 try marijuana for
the first time.

So the ONDCP's "Critical Conversations" campaign is designed to equip
parents with the skills they need to have the talk.

"Silence isn't golden. It's permission," begins the Open Letter to
Parents, signed by 10 family and medical organizations and published
this week in newspapers and magazines around the country.

"It's probably not just 'going to come up,' but a conversation about
the risks of drug use has to occur between you and your teen.

"Kids are tempted to use alcohol, illicit drugs, and intentionally
misuse prescription drugs at much younger ages than you would like to
believe. The key is to discuss and agree on boundaries like curfews
and choice of friends before negative influences can grab hold. Also,
monitor your teens' activities by checking in and checking up on them."

Parents can visit www.TheAntiDrug.com for more information.