CHRISTMAS IN REHAB

DONALD TRUMP has figured out that America is addicted to addiction
stories. With Tara Conner, the current Miss USA, you see the pattern
with red-white-and-blue efficiency: Young hottie works hard, makes it,
parties too hard, is seen bouncing half-naked on Fox News every 20
minutes, middle-aged male solons on same network tut-tut young babe's
immorality, and when that gets old even for middle-aged men, she
enters rehab.

Yes, this is the age of the short- attention span scandal.
Over-achievers hit rock bottom before they're 21.

And what a story, with the possibility that Trump could utter his
signature "you're fired" phrase. Thus, Miss USA's story was exported
to media around the globe. O joy to the world.

Shame as a spectator sport? To believe that, you have to believe that
Trump has moral standards, although I suppose one can believe that The
Donald has moral standards for other people. You also have to believe
that Conner is truly ashamed, not pretend shamed, of stories that have
garnered more press coverage than her coronation. (A Nexis check of
news stories on Conner showed 94 stories this week, compared to 10
when she won her tiara.)

You don't have to be a cynical New Yorker to figure that people don't
care about beauty pageants as they did 40 years ago, but if Trump Inc.
can throw in some silicone and scandal, maybe pageants could make a
comeback. Here's a fitting slogan: Miss USA, she's not wholesome any
more.

Anyone who has seen Conner's bikini strut -- and if you watch TV news,
you've seen it -- should be clear on Conner's image. She was not about
"world peace" -- unless you spell it p-i-e-c-e. Her presentation was a
celebration of youth and sex appeal.

So who is Trump to harrumph if Miss USA wants to have some fun? True,
until Conner turned 21 on Monday, it was not legal for her to drink,
and there have been rumors of drug use. Leave such matters to the
authorities, not a comb-over morality czar.

And spare me all that nonsense about Miss USA being a role model.
Actually, she is a model. Given her tearful gushing at Trump's
decision to give her a "second chance," Conner may be an actress, too.

She did, however, seem none too pleased to be cast in the role of
alcoholic. It says something about the demands of the scandal machine
that a 20-year-old can't simply go wild when handed goodies and freed
from parental supervision. No, she has to have a disease.

When she exits rehab, Trump noted at Tuesday's press conference,
Conner can be "a great example for troubled people." You don't have to
close your eyes to imagine the segment on Oprah, with a bright-eyed
Miss USA marveling at how Trump and rehab helped turn her life around.

At the press conference, Trump and Conner both trumpeted the beauty of
a world that gives people "a second chance," but methinks they had
their eye on the Second Act.