PARENTS MUST SEEK THE TRUTH IN FIGHT TO KEEP KIDS DRUG-FREE

When I sent my son off to middle school in September, I thought our
lives would be different, yet less complicated. He was no longer the
cute, compliant kid I walked with to kindergarten. His teeth were
crooked and too big for his face, but his blossoming independence made
me think that he needed less micromanagement, less parenting. I was
wrong.

As our children taxi down the long runway that will end in their
flight from home, our parental obligation is just as strong as, if not
stronger than, it was when they could not reach the milk in the
refrigerator. Sometimes we must not only parent; we must also police.

I realized this after a conversation with a mother of an
eighth-grader. She says her child reports that kids sneak away from
school to have sex in a nearby tunnel, and she knows kids who are
abusing drugs.

Parents always seem to be the last to know. We wonder why we weren't
told, why teachers didn't know, why our children didn't talk to us.
One answer: Kids learn in middle school that there is an unspoken code
of loyalty; they learn to keep one another's secrets. They learn that
there is a secret life of adolescence.

We parents are left to figure things out ourselves.

When I asked my son if he'd heard of kids using drugs or having sex in
his school, he said yes.

Had I not asked, I might have never known that a sixth-grader had
bragged about having sex with a girl. The boy claimed he may even be a
father. There's also been talk of alcohol, my son tells me. "By the
way," he asks. "What is vodka?"

I was naive to assume that the worst threat in sixth grade would be
bullies. Drugs are everywhere. They are in your kid's school and mine.
According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, early adolescence
is when children are likely to encounter drugs for the first time.

In 2005, a study by the National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention
found that 25.6 percent of students had their first drink of alcohol
(other than a few sips) before age 13. That's a staggering percentage
of youngsters.

The Centers for Disease Control sponsors a National Youth Risk
Behavior Survey, which monitors risky behaviors in students in grades
nine through 12. The 2005 study revealed that 43.3 percent of children
surveyed had consumed alcohol within 30 days of being questioned, 20.2
percent had smoked marijuana, and 46.8 percent had had sexual
intercourse.

Alcohol and marijuana are gateway drugs -- they lead to involvement
with more dangerous drugs. Substance abuse puts kids at a higher risk
for HIV and other risky behaviors that can harm their health and ruin
their futures. Experimenting with drugs may seem a natural part of
adolescence, but we cannot condone any behavior that is so clearly
harmful. Using drugs is voluntary, but drug addiction is not. Chemical
changes occur within the brain with continued use. Early intervention
is the key.

Drug testing in the schools has been a great debate for several years.
But it is not the school's responsibility. It's ours, as parents. We
can now take matters into our hands. Administering drug tests at home
has become inexpensive, quick and easy. (For a local drug testing
company, try www.healthtestingat home.com.) For some kids, the threat
of a drug test at home may be enough of a deterrent.

I asked my son how he felt about drug testing. "I think it's a good
idea," he said. "Kids should be tested at school every nine weeks."

But, I asked, what if a kid is not using them? Wouldn't he feel hurt?
"Kids lie to be cool, Mom," he told me. "If you don't have anything to
hide, it shouldn't matter."

Sometimes parents must be undercover cops, investigators, prosecutors,
judges and juries. While our children are in our homes, we must
protect and guide them and enforce rules.

Do you know what your child is doing?

Deborah Mitchell is publisher of McKinney SCENE Magazine, which will
premiere in March, and a former Voices of Collin County volunteer columnist.