VIENNESE HOPE SOME HIGH CS WILL DETER LAYABOUTS WHO ARE HIGH

To discover novel approaches to dealing with the perennial problems
of drug addiction and homelessness, North Americans often look to the
Europeans.

Europeans are, after all, frequently willing to test new ideas and
theories, including those that might gain them the wrath of the rest
of the world. Perhaps most famously, the Netherlands has led the way
in ending the war on drugs by ceasing to charge people in possession
of small amounts of illicit substances.

Although less famous, Britain is also a world leader, as it was one
of the pioneers of heroin maintenance programs. Similarly, countries
like Switzerland experimented with supervised injection facilities
long before Vancouver made waves by becoming the first jurisdiction
in North America to do so.

Now Austria has decided to add its name to this impressive list of
groundbreaking European countries. For some time, the Austrians have
had significant problems dealing with alcoholics and drug addicts
milling around Vienna's Karlsplatz subway station.

Police efforts to move the troublemakers along have met with failure,
so the Vienna city council employed that famous European ingenuity in
concocting a plan that can't miss.

Since the long arm of the law didn't work, city council has pulled
out the really big guns: Soon it will flood the Karlsplatz station
with opera. That's right, opera.

According to Coun. Ursula Stenzel, the troublemakers "are not known
for their love of opera and classical music, and we believe they will
not hang around. Those that do might find that civilized music
encourages civilized behaviour."

Strange as it may sound, this is not a completely untested
hypothesis. Just last week, celebutante Paris Hilton attended the
Vienna Opera Ball, the most important cultural event in Vienna, and
was seen with her head in her hands, fiddling with her program and
her cellphone.

While Hilton said later that the event was "great," she gushed over
how people at the ball were dressed instead of complimenting the
music. Clearly, opera was enough to drive her right out of Vienna, as
she headed straight to Tyrol for some skiing after the ball.

Now if opera is capable of banishing the ubiquitous Hilton from the
city, surely a few arias in the subway station are worth a try.