A MOM WITH ADDICTED CHILDREN FEELS FOR BRITNEY'S FAMILY

If I needed to hire an investigator, for the various reasons you would
hire one, the most important attribute I would look for is that the
investigator is a parent of an alcoholic/addicted child.

Such parents are (OK, I am) expert at picking up the scent of a
well-orchestrated lie.

As the reports of Britney Spears shaving her head began to circulate I
paid very little attention to the hype surrounding it.

As a single parent of not one but two teenage boys who suffer from
addiction, I have been a tad busy. What did capture my attention as
the chaos in this beautiful young lady's life escalated was not her
shaved head or the nail-biting coverage of her trips to the tattoo
parlor.

It was the vehicle that Lynne Spears, Britney's mother, reportedly was
driving as it paused outside the gates of Promises, a residential
treatment center in Malibu. I witnessed, as many of us did, what I
feel should have been a private moment between mother and daughter.

What the Spears family is coping with is all too familiar to those of
us who have children with addictions. We are parenting from the foxhole.

The slogans - "Parents are the anti-drug" and "Talk to your kids;
they'll listen" - mean very little to the parents of addicts. I HAVE
talked, reasoned with, signed contracts, drug-tested, spent sleepless
nights and even suffered paranoia, assuming a missing egg beater meant
my son was now stealing utensils.

I am not a licensed professional, but I have experience. I do know
that whether Britney Spears suffers from addiction or not, the
ruthlessness in shaming her publicly benefits no one.

I afford my sons the right to learn how to manage their own affairs
with dignity, without shame. I have a parental and social
responsibility to educate myself and make decisions from strength and
knowledge vs. fear and desperation. I refuse to be attached to the
stigma and shame of alcoholism and addiction. I have had to do things
I swore I would never have the strength to do as a mother. Then I've
had the courage to follow through, when those who do not understand
pass judgment on my decisions.

In July 2006, my elder son celebrated his 19th birthday. I use the
term "celebrate" loosely. He was in intensive care after an eight-day,
drug-induced psychosis. His hallucinogenic state required a 24-hour
sitter and full restraints to keep him from harming himself or those
of us standing vigil.

However, it was his cardiac history due to excessive cocaine use that
landed him in the ICU. This was the first time I heard my son's
condition described as late-stage addiction, at the precious age of
19.

I refuse to wait for approval to applaud their courage. I'm proud of
both of my sons. The battle that this demon wages within them daily is
no place for the fainthearted.

When I hear skeptics audaciously speculate about Britney's future, as
a passionate mother many things come to mind - most of which are not
printable. I would not want photos of my son in the ICU and at the
various stages of his drug addiction plastered for the world to see. I
challenge our society's addiction to celebrity gossip. And ask when is
enough enough.