JOINT FINANCING

Despite the alarming news on the housing front, economists predict
the Empire will rebound fairly quickly.

This optimism confounded me when I read that April home sales in the
Empire had plunged by nearly 50 percent from a year ago.

Then I met a housing expert who explained why things really aren't so bad.

"You're making the same mistake most people make," he smiled kindly.

"I am?"

"You're focusing on the wrong sales figures."

"I shouldn't be focusing on home sales?"

"You should be tracking marijuana sales. They're way up."

"What does that have to do with the housing market?"

"Are you kidding? Marijuana is going to save the housing market. It's
the safety net for all those loosey-goosey mortgage loans."

"I don't understand."

"You're not alone," he smiled kindly. I noticed his eyes were
bloodshot. "These loans snookered lots of people. Now, their mortgage
payments are ramping up, home prices are flat and their equity is kaput."

"I know all that. The market's glutted. They can't sell. They're
going to lose their homes."

He smiled again. "That's where you're wrong."

"I don't understand."

"Oh, some will lose their homes. But others have a good shot at
hanging onto them if their house undergoes a marijuana conversion."

"A what?"

"It's happening everywhere. Chino, Yucaipa, Corona, Norco, even
Riverside. It's the latest thing in creative financing."

"You're talking about pot houses!"

"We in the housing industry prefer to call them marijuana conversions."

"You're talking about homes with nothing in them but marijuana
plants. No couches, beds, chairs. Nothing but tables of pot plants
and bad lighting. Those houses are getting busted left and right.
Street value in the zillions, as the cops say."

He smiled as he nibbled on his shirt cuff. "Some get busted. A minute
fraction. Most are doing quite well. Marijuana conversions will help
the savvy homeowner ride out the storm."

"How?"

"Think of it as a refinancing tool. They don't have the income to
occupy their homes so they're relying on their homes to produce
enough income to allow them to move back in."

"It sounds awfully risky."

"Risky? How about those horrible loans! By the time the marijuana
conversion yields sufficient revenue, the loan mess will be
straightened out and these people will be able to get decent mortgages."

"If they don't get caught first."

"We don't see that happening on a wide scale. Don't forget, these
homes don't look like 'pot houses'. They're very well maintained. We
insist on it. We don't assist just anyone with a marijuana conversion."

"Wait a minute. What you do you mean 'assist' them?' "

"People need start-up cash."

"They can't pay their mortgages and you're issuing marijuana loans?"

"I just got through telling you marijuana sales are way up. These
loans will be repaid in a heartbeat. Folks will be sitting pretty.
That's our slogan."

"Sitting pretty is your slogan?"

"Not really. Are you sure you want to hear it?"

"I've come this far."

"People who live in grass houses shouldn't owe loans."