ADDICTS TRADE MALICE FOR GOOD WILL

When Tim Kreitzner learned how to forgive, he felt a sense of
freedom.

Not only did this peace of mind help him rebuild relationships, it
also gave Kreitzner strength to battle alcoholism.

"Forgiveness is more for yourself than for the person you're
forgiving," said Kreitzner, a LaSalle native. "For me to forgive that
person sets me free."

According to a researcher from the University of Windsor, Kreitzner
isn't alone.

By letting go of grudges and learning to forgive, recovering addicts
can reduce their risk of relapse, said Kenneth Hart, a psychology professor.

"We know that anger and emotional distress are triggers that cause
people to fall off the wagon," said Hart, who studied 66 recovering
alcoholics, all of whom had a grudge.

"We can stop this yo-yo cycle if we can get people's emotions under
control."

And teaching forgiveness is one way to do that, he
said.

Paul Mestancik, a recovering cocaine and alcohol addict, said
forgiveness has been a key part of his treatment at Brentwood Recovery
Home in Windsor.

Through his group and one-on-one sessions, Mestancik said he has
learned how to let go of misplaced resentment toward his mother.

"Forgiveness boils down to you trading off anger and resentment for
compassion and understanding," said the Sarnia native.

"It sort of defuses the need to go out and hide from your problems
through escapism and addiction."

Forgiving is not an event, but a long process that involves developing
empathy, said Hart.

"(It) is a shift in your attitude."

It's a softening of your heart," he said. "You can't be happy and be
unforgiving."

Thoughts of malice and revenge can be gradually replaced by
benevolence and good will, he said.

However, forgiveness does not mean forgetting the past, nor does it
necessitate reconciliation, said Hart.

He said he'd never expect someone to become best friends with an
enemy.

Instead, forgiveness is about healing past wounds and promoting
well-being for the forgiver.

"Nurturing grudges has been shown to be injurious to physical and
mental health," he said.

Hart said research has linked grudges and rage to weakened immune
systems and increased risk of heart attacks.

Forgiveness comes in one of two forms: introverted and
extroverted.

Extroverted forgiveness is done face to face, and it often expresses a
desire to reconcile, said Hart.

Introverted forgiveness is private, and does not need to be
articulated to the other person.

In fact, Hart said, it is counter-productive to verbally express
forgiveness to an unrepentant person.

Hart is compiling his findings into an article for peer review, which
he expects to be published this summer.

Next year, Hart said he plans to initiate a second study on
forgiveness, using problem gamblers.

Ultimately, Hart said he'd like to see forgiveness counselling
employed to help avoid relapses among everyone from recovering drug
addicts to couples with marital problems.

"I think (forgiveness) has a wide applicability," he said. "I'm
interested in trying to increase the chance that people lead a
sustained, health-promoting lifestyle."