LOCAL YOUNG WOMAN DESCRIBES HELL OF HEROIN ADDICTION

Editor's note: Courtney, a Swartz Creek High School graduate, wrote
this letter about her experiences to The Flint Journal after stories
earlier this month about heroin addiction among teenagers and young
adults. The letter has been edited for length.

My name is Courtney. I have been following your articles about
addiction. I am 20 years old and suffer from a heroin addiction just
like the people I have been reading about. Except I am one of the
lucky ones who have made it by reaching out, talking, getting help
and living the Narcotics Anonymous program.

I would like for you guys to do a story on some of the things I have
been through, but mainly to also get the message out that if you do
suffer from this there really is help and a light at the end of the
road. I am now 149 days clean. That's 149 days sober that I thought I
could never be.

It is hard being young and addicted to drugs and alcohol. I can't do
the things that kids my age can do, such as parties, bars, clubs. But
I have found that now that I'm clean and sober there is more to life
than just those things. I do find myself still asking: Why me? Why do
I have to be an addict? Why did I have to do the things I've done and
hurt the people who I care about the most? I'm still learning the
answers to those questions everyday. ...

It started when I was a senior at Swartz Creek High School. I
graduated with decent grades. I wasn't an honors student by any
means, but I was smart and I knew right from wrong. I was a good kid
with a very loving and caring close family. But the summer going into
my senior year is when I had startedi smoking marijuana on occasional weekends.

The occasional weekends soon turned into a couple days of the week.
Then it transformed into smoking before school everyday. I thought I
was just being a teenager experimenting.

About the end of my senior year, there were a lot of parties going on
and open houses. I was at a couple parties were I was introduced to
OxyContin. They offered and I said "no." But then I said yes.

I was with my boyfriend at the time, and I'd seen him do it a couple
times and then I was a little bit curious. When it got in my system I
have never had a feeling like that before. My boyfriend and I
promised each other it would be an every-other-weekend fun. Before we
both knew it we were buying it three, four times a day. Then it went
into heroin.

I thought that I had found the answers to everything. I could be
whoever I wanted to be and do what I wanted to do. I used all my open
house money that I had saved, nearly $2,000 gone in one week. It all
was spent on heroin.

We started stealing money from family members just so we wouldn't get
"dope sick," which is the withdrawal effects. I stole from my mom and
dad and workplaces several times.

I thought that life was good. I wasn't getting caught for any of the
things I was doing, or the money I was stealing until one day I when
I got caught stealing hundreds of dollars from my own sister and
brother-in-law.

My parents were given a number for a man who I will never forget, Dr.
Gary Woods. He saved my life, and I think that if it wasn't for him I
would not be here today. He came right out and told me that I was a
heroin addict who, if I didn't get help, my family would be burying
me 6 feet under.

I got really defensive because I just got called out on the fact that
I had a problem with drugs. He offered to get me help. and I said,
"NO. I don't need help. Leave me alone."

Then I went into the room where my mom and dad were, and to see them
crying and wanting me to get help so bad. I saw, that and he asked me
again and I looked at him and said yes.

I entered Brighton Hospital. I only spent 12 days in rehab. I thought
it was enough for me and I was doing really good. I was on a pink
cloud, people said. I started going to meetings every day when I got
out, even sometimes twice daily. But I was still doing things that
addicts did - stealing, lying about where I was at and who I was with.

Then the meetings started to spread out, and I would go a couple
times a week. I had the brilliant mind-set that I could do just one
more. That one more time turned into an overdose, me waking up in a
hospital with tubes in my nose and mouth, heart machines, wires, IVs,
my mom and dad tired and crying all night.

But I somehow still convinced my parents it was just a one-time
thing. Then I caused an accident. I overdosed in my car while I was
driving and blacked out.

That's when I entered Insight Recovery in Clarkston. I went through a
lot of tough times in there. Really getting to know that person I was
and the things I was doing and how it really affected everyone else around me.

I hated that Courtney. I soon faced the problems that I caused for
myself. In April of this year I was charged with larceny and theft, I
served my jail time and accepted that this is my punishment for the
things I have done.

I am still clean to this day, and I have to say that life is the best
it has ever been. I'm working full time; I'm in modeling and dancing.

I hang out with clean people with clean time. I work on my steps
every day and read my NA and AA book.

Jails, institutions and death - I thank God every day that I've have
only hit two out of the three.

Life to me today is beautiful. I enjoy looking up at the sun, not
looking down on the sun shining on my grave.