WHAT SHOULD WE TELL OUR CHILDREN ABOUT THEIR FATHER'S MARIJUANA USE?

Q: My husband is an intelligent, caring person who takes good care of
himself and has a good job. He is an excellent, responsible father to
our children, ages 8 and 5. My concern is that he occasionally smokes
marijuana - sometimes daily, sometimes once every few weeks.

Although he hides it from the kids, our older child has some clue
that he is using marijuana, although he hasn't pushed too hard to
find out about it. How should we handle this? How honest should we be
with the kids about it? I don't think my husband really wants to stop.

A: The first thing I want to say is that even if your husband
continues to smoke marijuana, he clearly needs to take great efforts
to prevent your children from knowing about it. Parents are the most
important role models for their children.

By smoking marijuana, not only is he sending the message that it is
fine to use drugs, he is also teaching them it is OK to do something
illegal. Even if your husband thinks smoking marijuana isn't that bad
and should not be illegal, your children are too young to participate
in this kind of philosophical discussion. Given you wrote this
letter, you obviously have some concerns that his smoking marijuana
is not in the best interest of your children.

I would let your husband know how strongly you feel about this, if
you haven't already, and perhaps he will take your concerns into account.

Send questions about addictions or related problems to: Take The
First Step, c/o Essex County Newspapers, 32 Dunham Road, Beverly, MA
01915; or send an e-mail to michael_levy@cabhealth.org. Questions
will be answered in confidence by a clinical team led by Dr. Michael
Levy, director of clinical treatment services at CAB Health &
Recovery Services in Peabody and author of "Take Control of Your
Drinking ... and You May Not Need to Quit."