HERE'S AN IDEA -- LET'S PIRATE THE DRUG LORD'S MONEY

Perhaps this has some merit ... OK, amid the foolishness of it
all?

We would turn El Paso into an pseudo pirate haven by hijacking the
billions of dollars in drug money being hauled back to the Mexico
drug lords.

People may not know this, but we're one of the biggest funnels in the
U.S. Drug money goes through El Paso by the stacks upon stacks of
used bills every day. That's because we don't check as much for stuff
going into Mexico as we do for stuff coming out. For instance, we
don't care if our sausage meat goes into Mexico as much as we care
about their sausage meat coming here. We're kind of uppity about that
kind of stuff.

And Mexico figures it's none of its business if drugs go out. Hey,
fewer potheads in their country. And, like anybody else, if money is
coming in, well that's great. After all, drug lords give to the poor
people and to the cops. That way they're not as apt to be shot by
their own people.

Think of it this way: Why should Mexico's drug lords get all the
money the idiots in our country spend on getting drug dependent, and
then robbing us for more drug-buying money?

Because it's ill-gotten money, it wouldn't be stealing. We could all
still go to heaven -- and we wouldn't be one of the country's poorest
counties, anymore. We might still be one of the fattest, though. We'd
all be stoking up on all the cream sauces at the many Cafe Centrals
that would immediately spring up around town. My goodness sakes,
everybody could even afford to live on the West Side!

Here's how we pirate the loot from the bad guys:

Since we'd need no tax-raising entities, we could give them the job
of smelling out the money the very minute it gets near the border.
We've got people here who can smell a dollar bill in a wallet a block
away. When somebody tries to sneak through $200,000 in small bills,
even way down in the Lower Valley, we've got noses here who could
smell that out from as far away as City Hall in Downtown. Send a
dozen or so good schnozolas up to the 10th floor and open the window.
They'd have two-way walkie-talkies. On the other end, down on the
border, would be the CAD people we wouldn't need to CAD us, anymore
because we're so rich. They'd have the drug money in hand faster than
they can double the taxable value of a home.

Why, we'd be richer than even Paul Foster.

Within the first month we'd have Eddie Holguin's Lower Valley paved,
and we wouldn't need a stormwater fee because we'd have dug our own
new arroyos. And, believe it or not, every developer in the county
would be glad to put in a park between every new home. "Want a duck
pond with that?"

By the first six months we could have Loop 375 and the Inner Loop
completed.

And we could have a good start on an Inner-Inner Loop by eminent
domaining anybody who's in the way.

Would people complain about that? No way.

"We're coming through with a new super parkway, Sir. Here's five
million dollars for your barbershop."

You know, why should the U.S. federal government get the cash our
narcs stumble across once in a while here in OUR town?

Let's do it. Our slogan could be: "What comes through here stays
here."