FALLEN POP STAR GOOSES CANADA'S NICE-GUY IMAGE

Invading Afghanistan. Bludgeoning Baby Seals. Inducting Abortionists
Into An August Order.

Yes, we Canadians have been trying our best to rebrand ourselves as
something other than a country populated by politically correct bores
amid a few acres of Voltairean snow.

Now, thanks to Barenaked Lady Steven Page and his recent arrest for
cocaine possession, we might have hit the motherlode.

No longer will Americans like Stephen Colbert be able to mock us as
duller versions of themselves, and the Brits must reluctantly
acknowledge that we are mad, bad and dangerous to know.

Smoke that in your peace pipe, Paul McCartney.

Until now, the Barenaked Ladies have always been the quintessentially
Canadian pop group. You just want to pinch their little cheeks.

They've released a string of bouncy and harmless Top 40 hits, and
they show genuine enthusiasm for putting out Christmas CDs, even
children's CDs.

At their live shows, with lots of families present, they banter
wittily, and in the winter they hold their popular Ships and Dip
cruise, where they stay aboard the boat and mingle with their shiny
upper-middle-class fans.

Truly, how much nicer can you get?

Page, as singer, songwriter and guitarist, has embodied this
stereotypical sense of Canuck harmlessness.

He's slightly chubby, so unlike your gaunt British and American rock
icons, and thus a non-threatening personification of the charming
Canadian tendency toward over-consumption, be it for calories or fossil fuels.

He insists on wearing those nerdy glasses.

He publicly supports those lefties in the NDP and is no doubt in
favour of socialized medicine.

He stumps for Canadian literature on the CBC. He is a board member of
the World Wildlife Fund and he belongs to the WindShare co-op that
owns the wind turbine at Exhibition Place in downtown Toronto.

Progressive thinkers from all over the world admire him as a
supporter of ecological sustainability. Refugees watch BNL videos,
then turn to the United Nations index of most desirable countries and
decide this is where they want to make their future.

Now, however, they may want to reconsider. Inner-city Detroit is
looking more habitable.

On July 11 in a Syracuse, N.Y., apartment, Page was one of three
people charged with criminal possession of cocaine.

The other two were women in their 20s, one of them being Page's girlfriend.

Girlfriend? But isn't he a happily married man and a father of three?
Nope, turns out he separated over a year ago. (That custody case of
his is suddenly looking weaker.)

He faces a reported five-and-a-half years in prison. According to New
York State documents, he used a "Canadian bill" ($5, $100, $1,000?)
to snort coke found in a bottle marked "calcium capsules."

Good cover there. We Canadians are known to worry about our bone
density. But it does make you wonder what's in his "Vitamin C" bottle.

It's true that other Canadian pop star have their personality flaws.
Bryan Adams and Joni are known for their chippiness. Gordon Lightfoot
drank a bit too much, and we won't even mention Mr. Winnipeg Doesn't
Appreciate Me Enough, Burton Cummings.

But the world has insisted on labelling us as nice guys. Finally,
those days are over.

The band's management has just pulled the plug on a Disney gig, the
Music Block Party, next month on Long Island. That Ships and Dip
cruise for next February, if it goes ahead, may attract a rowdier
crowd than normal.

Dissolute Rolling Stone Keith Richard, whose biography is slated for
fall publication, will have to dash off an extra chapter explaining
the real reason why he and his bandmates love to rehearse their tours
in Toronto.

"Nobody gives you Canadians proper credit," he'll say, "You're mad,
bad and dangerous to know."