JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS AND REALITY SHOWS

Some times we confuse me.

We try to scare our kids away from drugs by endlessly telling them
drugs will ruin their minds. I'm reminded of a famous TV spot some
years ago that featured a fried egg sizzling away in a pan with the
words, "This is your brain on drugs."

Fair enough. Some of that stuff can really mess up a perfectly good
set of synapses, so avoiding it makes sense. Don't do drugs; good advice.

On the other hand, we're OK with reality TV, a phenomenon that surely
causes IQ to drop faster than laundry on Nudie Night at the Newton Wave Pool.

I mean, they're so dumb it's hard to know where to start.

To extend the fried egg metaphor, watching reality shows would be
like placing an egg at Ground Zero the day Chernobyl blew.

You've got Hell's Kitchen, starring a chef who apparently got where
he is today by tossing out f-bombs like beads at Mardi Gras and going
out of his way to heap abuse on people in a room full of knives. If
this was an honest-to-God reality show, there'd have been a chalk
outline on the floor long ago.

Survivor. Put a bunch of anti-social Type-As on an island, dangle a
million-buck prize, pit them against each other and may the most
distorted personality win.

But my new favourite piece of crap reality show is A Shot at Love
with Tila Tequila.

Here's the premise: Ms. Tequila is supposedly bisexual and desperate
to find true love. On TV. And in case anyone thinks that's a fake
name, think again. Proud parents Al and Doris Tequila live in a
really nice doublewide in a park just off the interstate west of
Nadir, Nebraska.

Anyway, back to the show. A buncha guys and a buncha chicks go live
in TT's crib where they must win her "affection" by submitting to a
series of trials calculated to test their suitability as a love match
for our heroine. Contestants are eliminated until Ms. Tequila selects
a winner. Who will come out on top (there's a pun in there
somewhere), the studs or the dykes?

As the episodes unfold, we see who is ready for commitment and who is
not. This is human drama at its finest and the pressure of
competition creates some fascinating interplay among Tila and her
would-be lovers.

Oh, yeah. This is good stuff. Episode Six: The Cat Fight sounds like
a new bright spot on the widescreen. Brandi (bet that "i" is dotted
with a little smiley face) and Vanessa get all up in each other's
faces, then duke it out. Yeah, bet that's hot.

Contestants are eliminated for various reasons until only one is left
and presumably gets TT all to his-, or her-, self. Hard to say if
this is reward or punishment.

There's at least one blog that invites devotees to share their
thoughts on the show. Surprisingly little to be shared there.

Parents, if you really worry about the state of your children's
minds, keep them away from this stuff. While you're at it, do
yourselves a favour, too.