THE HORROR OF FINDING YOUR CHILD DEAD OF AN OVERDOSE

David Shelton is certain his son would be "totally pissed off" if he
saw what he did on May 14.

Shelton came home to find his 23-year-old son, Matthew, slumped in a
chair, holding the remote control, with the TV on.

His youngest child was blue. In fact, he was dead. Dead after a return
date with heroin, which had clutched him in a firm embrace since he
was 19 years old.

Matthew's parents are confident he did not mean to die with his last
fix.

Several times "he fought [his addiction] down," his father said, once
staying clean for a year, and even weaning himself off methadone. He
had plans for the rest of the week, and long-term "wanted normal
things, wife, family, kids, helping people."

"But the disease became bigger and bigger, and Matt less and less....
Suddenly a door slams shut and you can't get back."

Shelton said those things Saturday at his son's memorial service, an
event no parent imagines organizing.

While I listened to Shelton's sad words, I was struck by the fact that
this was the third parent in less than a week who spoke to me of their
child's problems with addictions.

All seemed capable parents in middle-class families. But something --
they all wonder what -- went terribly wrong for their children.

Shelton says Matthew's flirtation with heroin started when a friend,
"possibly even well-meaning," gave him some when Matthew was grappling
with depression. That was all it took for him to get hooked.

Matthew's mother, Leslie Gibbons, said the day after her son died, a
neighbour came out to say, "Well, you know if you choose the life what
happens."

But people don't choose to be drug addicts any more than they choose
to have cancer or kidney disease, Shelton said.

"I wonder how many other beautiful little guys are out there stuck and
struggling after touching the tar baby?"

He wonders whether anti-drug education programs at school stimulated
rather than discouraged his son's curiosity about illegal drugs.

Once, a recovered addict came with a police officer to talk to
students at Matthew's school about his struggles, but it made it sound
like a mountaineer conquering Mount Everest, Shelton said.

"It gave the wrong message; it was a message that said you can meet
the challenge and have a real exciting time."

Addiction expert Benedickt Fischer of the Centre for Addictions
Research B.C. said there is only a limited understanding of the
effectiveness of drug education but much has a "limited effect."

He's skeptical of programs delivered by police that oversimplify the
realities of drug use into black-and-white, good-and-bad categories.

"Kids aren't stupid," Fischer said.

"They have their own experiences ... And [those] programs may make
certain things more appealing in the adolescent and youth context"
when some students look for deviation from the norm.

Fischer said most kids stay away from really dangerous drugs. The
others need realistic information on reducing risk.

Of 100 heroin addicts, about two die each year as a result of their
drug use, sometimes because they have higher health risks, such as
contacting HIV.

But typically they die accidentally from using heroin and knowingly or
unknowingly mixing it with other drugs, or miscalculating their
tolerance and taking too large a dose.

Miscalculation is a particular problem when "clean" addicts
relapse.

Matthew's parents suspect that's what happened to Matthew, although
they will only know for certain once toxicology reports are finished.

Gibbons said two weeks before Matthew died she asked him what he
really liked doing.

"That was one of our talks about what he might do in the future," she
said -- his parents always hoped one of Matthew's detox stints would
hold.

Her son told her he liked helping people. So she hopes people will
honour Matthew's memory by not judging a homeless person or walking
around a street kid "and think[ing] that no one cares about them back
home."

"Help them somehow. It may keep them alive another
day."

Finally, "have compassion for those trapped, addled and overpowered by
their addictions, just like my Matt, and remember they didn't choose
addiction. They are prisoners of it," she said.