MORE EMPATHY IS NEEDED TO DEAL WITH TROUBLED KIDS

Let me just say this up front: A lot of parents out there are messing up.

There's no other conclusion to reach when you see kids like the ones
who keep filling places like Mattie V. Rutherford Alternative
Education Center.

Last week the Times-Union featured a profile of Mattie V, one of three
last-chance schools in Duval County for students who have busted the
limits of incorrigibility. They've either been fighting in their home
schools, disrespecting their teachers or breaking laws.

There was its hardworking principal, Kenneth Reddick, trying to reach
them through a mix of straight talk and street savvy.

There was the counselor, Michael Sanders, trying to steer them toward
a future of possibilities instead of consequences.

And there was Willie Perry, the resource officer striving to use the
power of advice, rather than the authority of his badge, to motivate
many of the young men there.

So why aren't the parents doing this?

There are lots of answers. Some don't know how to. Some don't have
time to. Some are locked up. Some are messed up.

But if the parents are the problem, so are the critics who say
condemning them is the cure.

It isn't. They're used to that.

Let me say that an irresponsible parent isn't behind every kid that is
going bad. Many of the kids at Mattie V., or at other alternative
schools, or in the juvenile justice system have parents who are trying
to do the right thing.

These are the struggling parents who are working multiple jobs to make
ends meet; parents whose efforts to survive have used up any spare
time for nurturing. There are the poverty-stricken parents who, in
spite of all their efforts, are no match for the drug trade that lures
their kids with the promise of quick money.

Then there are the parents who aren't holding up their end of the
deal. The ones who have left their children to be reared by the
system, or by a grandparent, or by the streets.

Yet, the answer doesn't lie in someone shaking a finger at them, as
many people seem to believe. A big part of it lies in counteracting
this trend of why so many parents - a disproportionate number of whom
are single black women - go through the pain of having children, but
can't bear the pain that comes with rearing them.

And again, the answer requires empathy and resources.

Lisa Steely, juvenile coordinator for the Public Defender's Office
here, sees the problem. Like me, she knows that it isn't a problem of
character as much as it is one of cultural isolation. Such isolation
leads many women and men who live in downtrodden neighborhoods -
places where people's daily lives aren't shaped by jobs, or the
excitement of opportunities - to scratch out esteem in other ways.

Many times, that means having children that they can't care
for.

Steely said the women who have kids in the juvenile justice system
didn't expect this to happen. But having multiple children
out-of-wedlock is how they show themselves to be successful in the
environment that they're in, because no one has ever taken the time to
educate them differently, she said.

So here's part of the solution: Put resources into educating them
differently.

Of course, that's a huge job. Because that kind of an education
doesn't simply mean telling them differently. It means trying to show
possibilities to young women and young men.

Those possibilities, however, must be realistic and strong enough to
counteract the influences in their neighborhoods or, for that matter,
in their families that dupe them into believing that having children
too soon in life is cool.

Of course, many people will still complain about "throwing money" at
problems like incorrigibility and juvenile crime. They'll say that
it's the parents' responsibility to rear their children, and not
society's. And they're right.

But right doesn't always mean realistic. Because if nothing is done to
try and reshape some parents' notions about esteem and responsibility,
then their kids will become society's responsibility anyway. Society
will get the bill for the jails and prisons they're bound to occupy.

And until resources, rather than finger-wagging, is directed toward
this problem, it will be with us.