MARIJUANA MAKES YOU SELL YOUR BABIES AND KILL OLD MEN

Corvallis Community Theatre Warns Us All About the Dangers of a
Deadly Illegal Drug With 'Reefer Madness'

I was on the road to ruin. I was considering trying the new fad of
"toking up," "getting high," "freaking out," "beaming up," "bugging
out" and "tripping the light fantastic."

All the kids are doing it, I told myself.

Fortunately for me, as well as babies, teenagers and old men
everywhere, I had the common sense to attend a showing of Corvallis
Community Theatre's new educational musical, "Reefer Madness."

The curtain goes up at 7:30 p.m. Friday, May 16, with additional
showings at 7:30 p.m. May 17, 22, 23, 24, 28, 29, 30 and 31, and at
2:30 p.m. May 18, 25 and June 1. Tickets cost $12 for adults and $11
for seniors over age 65, students with ID and children under 18. But
really, what price can you put on your sobriety? Remember, you're
never too young nor too old to learn about the insidious, creeping
menace that is marijuana addiction.

A quick note, however: While you might never be too young to learn
how to avoid becoming a slave to the madness of marijuana, you can be
too young for some of the mature subject matters presented in "Reefer
Madness." Parents are advised to think twice before bringing young
children to this provocative exploration of the dangers of hard-core
drug abuse.

Now that we've got that bit of unpleasantness out of the way, let's
talk about what exactly makes "Reefer Madness" such a useful tool for
sidestepping the bondage of pot addiction.

It's a Great (and True) Story

The musical follows the misadventures of little Mary Lane (Ashleigh
Howington) and Jimmy Harper (Kyle Cowgill), two teen sweethearts
perched on the precipice overlooking the valley of young love. Little
do they know that the evil specter of marijuana is lurking behind
every shadow, waiting to pounce on young love and tear out its heart
like a cat on a songbird.

The Lecturer (Drew Davidson) recounts the sad -- and, he assures us,
true -- tale of Jimmy's descent into addiction and madness, fueled
simply by his innocent desire to learn how to dance so he can impress
Mary. Lured in by nefarious dope pusher Jack (Dan Rayfield), Jimmy
soon finds himself carousing with damaged woman Mae (Lindsey Earp),
foxy floozie Sally (Sophie Jubert) and straight-up, stone-cold dope
fiend Ralph (Tommy Dye).

Before long, he's taking part in all the rituals of reefer culture,
from having underage sex out of wedlock to giggling for no good
reason, from trading his class ring for drugs to killing defenseless
old men. Not only that, but he even manages to pull poor, sweet,
innocent Mary into his terminal downward trajectory.

Director Miranda Prince has truly performed a public service by
bringing us this play. She has the courage to look unflinchingly into
the gaping maw of the beast that is pot culture, and refuse to feed
it when it gets the munchies.

The Actors Set a High Standard

Cowgill brings the fervor of an evangelical missionary to his
performance as the good-hearted but misdirected Jimmy. With the looks
of James Marsden and the physical comedy technique of John Ritter, he
transforms Rivers Cuomo's character from Weezer's "Buddy Holly" video
into a living, breathing indictment of drug culture.

At his side is the lovely Howington, who matches Cowgill
step-for-step in portraying the full range of behavior hopheads can
go through in the cycle of their addiction. As the doe-eyed Mary of
the first act, she's sweet enough to make you crave a glass of
grapefruit juice. As the depraved demon of the second act, she'll
have you running in terror from her wanton sexual depravity.

Speaking of, Jubert is perfect as the reefer-soaked harlot Sally.
She's got a voice on her like a siren, and it's easy to see how a
poor, naive boy such as Jimmy might be pulled into her orbit. Sally
is sexy, vacant and seductive, like the demon weed itself.

Perhaps best of all, however, is Dye, as the dried-up husk of a man.
With his insane cackling, beady eyes, twitchy mannerisms and messy
hair, he's the very portrait of a man who's succumbed to the siren
song of The Chronic. Even when he takes on the role of a dope-addled
baby or a sadistic executioner, he darn near manages to steal the show.

You Can Bug Out to the Funky Beat

When Jimmy first tries the weed, he's instantly sucked into a world
of dancing pothead pixies. The chorus (Amanda Bounds, Katie Kalk,
Valerie Carson, Daryn Bergsma, Emily Robinson, Shannon McInally,
Jordan Herrington, Jacob Bonnett and Matthew Shivers) cavort around
the stage like the depraved, soulless husks of humans they represent.

The music, played by a live band consisting of Isaac Jones (bass),
Ray Drupek (piano), Andy Weiss (drums) and Ron Koken and Don Phillips
on woodwinds, creates a dark, intoxicating, Middle-Eastern-tinged
disco beat that will have you practically leaping out of your seat to
join in the bacchanal. But remember: That's just what marijuana wants!

Elsewhere, the title song will get stuck in your head like a stoned
rat in a complex maze, Jesus shows up to sing about getting high on
Him, and peer pressure is distilled to its purest essence in a
multi-part chant. It's all enough to make you want to follow Jimmy
into pet-beating, fur coat-stealing, mother-loving madness. Don't
give in to its wicked exhortations!

Coda: The Big Comedown

Finally, some people will say that you shouldn't glorify marijuana by
putting on a play about it. Those people clearly have never
experienced the solemn, serious message of "Reefer Madness." It will
scare you so straight that you won't even remember what crooked
looked like anymore.