A VISIT FROM THE GROW-OP INSPECTORS

While my home has been the subject of a recent search for that
sometimes "elusive pot," my experience has been similar though rather
different in some ways to that of other homeowners.

I arrived home several weeks ago to find that now well known yellow
paper with reams of white pages hidden behind it, stuck on my front
door. The yellow missive requested I call the city to arrange for a
house inspection within 48 hours and the white pages contained all
that you never wanted to know about growing marijuana.

When I phoned the city I was informed that my electricity bill was
very high (in case I was unaware of it) and that six people would be
visiting me-two RCMP officers, two electrical inspectors and two city
officials-no problem there, since it had been weeks since the mayor's
last drop in visit.

I was then asked whether or not I had any large dogs on the premises
to which I replied: "No I do not-would you like me to get some?" The
tone of the reply: "No! That would not be necessary" caused me to
forgo asking for a few days extension in order to get the home
properly prepared for this special visit.

Punctually at 9 a.m. on the appointed day two charming RCMP officers
duly arrived and I was asked whether or not I knew why they were here!
Thinking that perhaps it was too early for them to have received
proper instructions as to their duties for the day, I offhandedly said
"Gee no!", smiled and invited them in to proceed with their inspection.

When they suddenly turned a corner in the house and spotted the indoor
pool one of them exclaimed: "Oh that's the reason! Do you keep that
heated all year?" I replied: "Been going steady for the last 29
years-and it is hooked up directly to the desk of the CEOs of Hydro
and Terasen Gas'!"

The rest of the inspection now seemed to be drawing to quick close as
the officers proceeded to the door to leave-or so I thought-when one
of them signalled to two new arrivals-the two electrical inspectors.

One of them, heavily armed with the records of my electric bill-to
Terasen but not to Taseren me, I hoped-also echoed the same reasons
for their visit. During this time, while the other inspector continued
with the house inspection, I kept one ear open for the sounds I knew
would soon be heard and there they were: "Hey! He's got an indoor pool!"

The end result was that the electrical inspectors recommended that I
should increase my amperage from 100 to 200 amps-for the house I
presume and not mine-since the latter had been increasing for years
each month. The reason being, I imagine, is that if you double the
amperage your heating bill should drop by half!

The downside of all this is that I am still waiting for the mayor and
his assistant to show up! Late as usual!

Wilbur Walrond

Richmond