Stoners will flood your inbox

Greetings and warning. I am alerting you there that your paper might
soon be flooded with letters by badly-aging Vancouver stoners who have
taken great offence to your writers not sucking up to their 4:20 credo.

They did it to all the major dailies, but have since been blocked for
insincere-letters-to-the-editor flooding. So now they are moving on to
college papers and small-town publications, hoping somebody will
listen to their mumbles. Mumbles about how cannabis intoxication
liberates the higher parts of the human mind, how the entire King
James Bible edited down to one line is "marijuana is the tree of
life", and, of late, how marijuana cures cancer, but the government is
hushing it up.

If UFOs didn't have such strict non-smoking bylaws in the mothership,
you could just imagine the stoner brigades waiting for a tractor beam
connection to spread slum goddess Bongtopia wipeheadheadism on nearby
planets.

These ward of the state stoners with too much time on their hands meet
on dope fan club internet forums and plot their next assault on the
straight media. Our offices estimate almost 90 per cent of any letter
to the editor published in Canada over the last five years praising
Marc Emery and the wonders of pot were penned by this typing pool of
west coast stoners, I mean "unique individuals" living the alternative
lifestyle out yonder.

So, you might get a fast, nasty batch of angry letters insisting pot
could save the world if it wasn't for Bush and Harper. Or about how
Marc Emery, Prince of Pot, doesn't deserve jail for selling
$15,000,000 worth of pot seeds through the mail to American pot
growers. Or even letters claiming that medical marijuana helps soothe
angry, vague public dole through stupors in a truly awesome
supernatural way. My friends, don't be surprised.

Flooding the media with letter campaigns to prop up stonerism ideals
is the 21st century version of telephone crank calls. Only it's more
like drunk phoning random numbers at 4:00 am. They somehow managed to
dial you.

XXkevinheaven