PRACTICAL HELP FOR PARENTS

Communicate with your child's teachers, says Sussex Regional High
School principal Dan McKiel.

"Teachers often see changes in students, but they are reluctant to
say. They may be trying to tell you something. Ask them, because a
teacher is never going to come out and say 'I think you kids is doing
drugs.'"

Do I search my child's room?

"I would," said RCMP Cst. Norm Adams, citing the argument that a
child's room is still part of a house owned by the parent, who pays
the bills to run that house.

If an offending substance is found, Adams says don't confront the
child with anger and a raised voice, and don't lie and say you found
it while cleaning. Start the conversation this way: "I noticed your
grades have slipped, and you're not having fun with your regular
friends anymore, and I was worried about you. I found this in your
room." Pour you heart out to your child, and if you get nowhere, call
the professionals the police, the school principal and consult the
parents of your child's friends for information.

"Is it going to be embarrassing? Yes, but the alternative is far worse
than not talking," he said.

What to do if you find something: don't put it back, and don't throw
it out. If you don't confront your child about it, the perception is
it must be okay, says Adams.

"Once again, you're enabling. If you don't correct the behaviour,
you're allowing it to go on," he said.

If your child comes home stoned and volatile, call the
police.

Some parents don't want to involve the police because they're afraid
their child will end up with a criminal record, said Tambrie Hicks,
admissions coordinator at Portage teen rehab centre.

"So you're just going to let it go on?" she said. "It's hard, but they
need rules and guidelines," and parents have to be consistent with
those rules.

If your child comes home stoned and just wants to go to bed, let him
or her, because there is little to be gained by trying to reason with
someone who's high, said Adams.

"Let it go til they're straight and then confront them," he
said.

If you suspect your child of using the Internet for less than positive
pursuits, take the monitor with you when you leave the house, said
Adams. One parent said if her children close a window when she walks
in the room, they automatically lose their computer privileges.

If you suspect your child of wrongdoing while at a friend's house,
drop in for a visit. Meet the parents of your child's friends, said
Adams. Probe them about what they allow their kids to do: tell them
you let your kids drink at home, and if they say, 'so do I', the
visit's over, said Adams.

Don't open the floodgates to bad behaviour by allowing smaller
questionable behaviour, says Adams. He compares that to letting a
child eat an apple in the livingroom. The next day, the child has
spaghetti all over the livingroom, with the excuse that yesterday, you
let me eat an apple in here, so what's wrong with the spaghetti.

That permissiveness can lead to, 'You let me have a beer. What's the
big deal? It's only a joint,' says Adams.

"That's what we're doing when we say 'the law's there, the rules are
there, but it's okay [to break them].' You're opening up a great big
gate," he said.

If your child needs Portage: there are 36 Portage beds for New Brunswick
kids, 16 for probation services to use, and 20 for others who are referred
by doctors, social workers, parents and kids themselves.

But Hicks cautions that no child is going to succeed at Portage until
they are ready to change their behaviour.