SCORING SOME DRUGS

So I may be about the last person in America to deal with this, but
I've come down with a nasty sore throat and cold, so I decided to go
to the Osco and get something for it.

I made sure I went during the hours that the pharmacy is open, 'cause
of course I know about all the new rules -- and sure enough, there
were signs in the cold medicine aisles about some products not being
available out on the shelves.

So I asked the girl behind the counter if there was something she
could... recommend, and she said I'd have to talk to the head
pharmacist. I waited a few minutes until he returned and told him
that I had a serious sore throat progressing into a chest cold and
wanted some recommendation.

He led me out to the regular aisles and pointed out some products.
"These Chloraseptic lozenges are quite good for sore throat. Also, be
sure to get plenty of rest, and drink lots of fluids. You should also
gargle in salt water -- that can help. These zinc lozenges can also
be quite effective."

"Ah," I said, nodding. "Yes, those are good suggestions. But I was
hoping for something to help me with all the symptoms and get some
rest. Something like... NyQuil."

He pointed to his right. "Here's some NyQuil right here."

"Yes, but isn't that the... ah... I mean, isn't there something
better... you know, with... that ingredient."

He hestitated. "Yes, we have a bottle of the old stuff behind the
counter. I'll get you some."

While his assistant took my drivers license and address and signature
(he told me he didn't need the urine sample or fingerprints), I had a
nice chat with the pharmacist. He knew my dad many years ago and we
talked about ailments and building houses. A very nice guy, doing his
job in a strange world.

So now I have some of this dangerous old-style NyQuil in my bedroom,
and since they have my address, I'm waiting for the smash of my door,
and the conspiracy to think about doing something with pseudoephedrine charge.

But I don't care. And I realized something. NyQuil isn't really
medicine, at least not by the way that the ONDCP seems to consider
medicine. It doesn't cure anything. It's called the Nightime
Sniffling Sneezing Coughing Aching Stuffyhead Fever So You Can Rest
Medicine but the key thing is that it just relieves symptoms so you
can rest (which is a good thing). In other words, it makes you feel better.

That's right, I have a drug in my home that I scored from a
pharmacist that I use simply because it makes me feel good.

I must be a criminal.

But I got a good night's sleep last night.