PEOPLE I KNOW

Parents generally don't like to expose their children to the evils of
the world. You will rarely encounter a parent who enjoys taking their
kids to Satanic rituals or explaining to them the benefits of
loathing those who are different than you. However, when hate is
pre-packaged in a seemingly family-friendly video game scenario,
parents don't question it. So I will.

Question: How many innocent children were corrupted this past holiday
season by the sinister messages delivered via Super Mario Galaxy?

Answer: Too many.

In Mario's first appearance back in 1981's Donkey Kong, he was only
known as "Jumpman." This character was loved by millions in arcades
all over the world. He was fun, quirky, fought giant monkeys and
saved a princess. However, this image as the lovable hero soon
diminished as Mario became an amalgam of Italian stereotypes and an
infallibly positive influence on the drug market.

Throughout the course of Mario's video games he has been known to
take mushrooms, allowing himself to power up. This habit, which today
is referred to as shrooming, has proven to be nothing but detrimental
in real life. While Mario gets bigger and stronger and acquires
double health (a whopping six health bars in Galaxy) these side
effects have been disproved time and again in real life. The memory
disruption, headaches, and bad trips are never referenced in Mario's
universe, in fact, his repetitive use of the psychedelic drug
purports the opposite of these negative consequences.

If the pro-drug message that Mario's video games send to children
isn't bad enough, he's embedding the element of racism deep into
their minds as well. With such clever catchphrases as "It's a-me,
a-Mario!" it isn't difficult to see the bigotry layered throughout
the Mario universe. I feel it is beyond unnecessary to frivolously
inject the "a" sound between every word Mario says in an attempt to
further classify him as an Italian stereotype. Let alone indicate
that the character loves pasta and pizza, an idea conjured up for the
television show and that Nintendo liked so much they inserted it into
their games.

While parents complain about the sex and violence seen in the Grand
Theft Auto video games, they completely overlook their child's
corruption at the hands of Nintendo and its discriminatory icon
Mario. A character whose sinful indulgences and intolerant
representations are creating more and more narrow-minded drug abusing
youth every day.

So, the next time you turn on your electronic gaming console, your
Wii or Nintendo 64 or whatever, remember that you are indirectly
funding racism and illicit narcotics. Please take the time to think
about your decision to play any game featuring Mario or his equally
ludicrous and offensive brother Luigi. There are better things you
can put your time and effort into, like improving the community or
saving Darfur. This time Mario's gone too far. An entire galaxy
rampant with red and green mushrooms with the proprietor of bigotry
himself at the head of the realm. I won't stand for it and hopefully
you won't either. Make sure you know what your kids are playing.