EURO 2000 TOURNAMENT STILL SMOKIN'

The Euro 2000 soccer championships have literally gone to
pot.

This year's tournament, second only to the World Cup in popularity in
soccer-mad Europe, is being held in Belgium and The Netherlands, where
smoking marijuana is legal.

However, the Dutch coffee houses where pot is openly sold and smoked
had to win a political war to remain open during the tournament which
began last weekend.

During the squabble, the marijuana growers and merchants apparently
convinced Amsterdam officials that they should not only allow the pot
shops to stay open during the soccerfest, but that they should
encourage fans of a sport known for its rowdy fans -- and that's
putting it mildly -- to patronize them.

"Fortunately, we have made them see sense," said Roland Dam, founder
of Amsterdam's Cannabis College (isn't that where Snoop Doggy Dogg got
his degree?), which studies the industrial, medicinal and recreational
uses of marijuana.

"We are not saying that fans should come and smoke," Dam stressed.
"But we are saying that smoking a joint is likely to contribute
towards a peaceful tournament. People will be very relaxed, they will
be more objective about the games and they will also become a bit more
tolerant if their team loses."

Dam may have a point. After England, which leads the free world in
hooliganism, blew a 2-0 lead to Portugal and lost 3-2 in its
opening-round game, nobody got shot, stabbed or so much as whacked
upside of the head with an empty pint of Guinness.

It makes you wonder how sports might change on this side of the pond
if marijuana came in packs instead of little plastic baggies.

7th-inning stretch replaced by 5th-inning nap.

"This Bud's for You" takes on an entire new meaning.

Commissioner Woody Harrelson.

Goodbye Weedeater Bowl. Hello Weedgrower Bowl.

Bob Marley Classic replaces The Players Championship as golf's "fifth
major."

John Fogarty's "Centerfield" gradually gives way to Brownsville
Station's "Smokin' in the Boys Room" as baseball's unofficial anthem.

Bong sales cut off after seventh inning.

Jamaica becomes powerhouse in Summer Olympics.

Cleveland Dogpound mellows out.

"Yo, Mon" surpasses "Hey, batter" as baseball chatter catch
phrase.

Instead of a cigar, victorious coaches fire up a "fatty."

Snack cakes and chips added to ballpark menu.

Marlboro 500 replaced on auto racing schedule by E-Z Wider Grand
Prix.

Industrial strength smoke detectors installed in all NBA locker
rooms.

Kentucky Bluegrass replaced by California Sinsemilla.

Roach clip with team logo overhauls Beanie Babies as ballpark giveaway
item.

Penn State unveils tie-dyed football jerseys.

Bullpen cart replaced by Jeff Spicoli's van from "Fast Times at
Ridgemont High."

Cheech Marin becomes Al Michaels' sidekick in the Monday Night
Football booth.