A 'DARE' TO GET PARENTS INVOLVED

'YOU ARE ALL potential customers of death and destruction," the Suffolk
County Police Department representative said. His words sent a chill down
my spine, though I'm not sure they were understood by the 200 fifth graders
who sat in the school cafeteria for their DARE graduation the other day, my
daughter among them. He was referring to the fact that someone may try to
sell them drugs or encourage them to drink alcohol, reminding them they had
the authority to say no.

I listened to my daughter's schoolmates deliver speeches in still so-young
voices, swearing their commitment to being drug-free for life. But I
couldn't help wondering how many will have forgotten the messages during
the emotional rollercoaster years between fifth and ninth grades-maybe
sooner-or, more likely, how many of them will have adopted the common
adolescent mantra: It can't happen to me.

While the students clearly adored their instructor, "Officer B.," as she's
known, and wanted to please her with their speeches, I wonder how many of
them will remember that sensation even three years later when a classmate
says one drag won't kill them.

That my daughter's DARE graduation came just days after Suffolk County
Police Commissioner John Gallagher announced that he wants to drop the
program as a cost-saving measure made me more attuned to what was not being
said on the stage that morning. Some groups debate the effectiveness of the
program, which is used in more than 80 percent of the classrooms in 50
states, and in 50 foreign countries. If it's true that it doesn't work, I
have to wonder why.

My own theory? It's us-the parents.

In all the weighty messages that day during graduation, no one spoke
directly to the parents who were able to attend and certainly not to the
hundred-plus who couldn't. No one said schools alone cannot be responsible
for teaching the lessons of peer-pressure resistance and avoidance of
self-destructive behaviors. No one turned to us to pronounce, "We've done
our part, parents. The rest is up to you."

For an antidrug program to work, don't parents need to reinforce Officer
B.'s message? Don't parents have to ask what our children learned each week
and share our views about it? Don't we have to tell our children that such
choices won't be tolerated in our household? Knowing our child's
personality and temperament, don't we need to adapt the DARE (or Drug Abuse
Resistance Education) program to our child's life? Don't these messages
have to be part of an ongoing dialogue at least for as long as our children
are under our supervision?

There are certainly many parents who talk openly about these issues,
especially in the aftermath of the justifiably feel-good atmosphere of
their child's DARE graduation. Unfortunately, there are far too many who
either don't think to -or don't want to. Some think like their adolescents:
It can't happen to my child. Some aren't good role models. Other did drugs
or drank when they were younger. With good intent, they worry that by
admitting this, they will be giving their child permission to do it
themselves. So they don't say anything, passing up an opportunity for an
educational tool far more effective than anything Officer B. could tell
them on her own.

Our children appreciate our honesty above all else. Telling them that, yes,
you did do drugs for a while, or yes, there were times you bowed to peer
pressure and that you know how hard it can be to resist that, are
admissions that could save their lives. In that moment of truth, you would
most likely be able to add you realized afterward that you made a mistake;
that you found yourself losing control of situations; that you didn't like
waking up sick. There's only so much DARE and Officer B. can do for our
children without us also reinforcing the message.

DARE does know that. The curriculum offers a parent-education course-four
evenings in which topics such as parent-child communication are discussed.
In Suffolk, it's used in only 12 school districts. Maybe that's because
districts need to pay about $1,400 for police overtime unless federal
grants are available. It hasn't been offered in my district for years.

Tomorrow, Suffolk Legis. Jonathan Cooper (D- Huntington) will lay two new
bills on the table at the general meeting of the legislature in an effort
to save DARE. The agenda includes time for public comment, and many young
DARE graduates are expected to speak up for the program. I hope parents
plan to attend as well. After all, according to my theory, if it's true
that DARE isn't working, rather than replace it, we should be taking a
closer look at the missing link-parents. Apparently it's available. Someone
just needs to be willing to put it into place.