SECRETS OF RAISING TEENAGERS

If you chafed against your parents' control when you were a teenager, the
latest research says you were lucky.

At the time, you may have felt more oppressed than fortunate. But a study
released this week by an anti-drug research center found that the hands-on
parents who kept close tabs on their children were most effective at keeping
their kids away from drugs.

The study, by the National Center on Addiction and Substance abuse, divided
parents into three different styles. "Hands-on" parents consistently took 10
or more of such actions as: eating dinner with their children, banning music
with offensive lyrics, imposing curfews, knowing their children's
whereabouts, assigning regular chores and turning off the television during
dinner. Twenty-seven percent of teens reported hands-on parents.

"Half-hearted" parents set about half the number of such rules; "hands-off"
parents practiced less than five of them. Most teens, about 55 percent,
lived in such homes.

The study found that hands-on parents got dramatic results. Teens in the
hands-off households were twice as likely to use drugs as those in the
hands-on homes.

Researchers conducted the survey by phoning a random sample of 12-to-17-year
olds with their questions.

The results bear out earlier research that found that teens really do listen
to parents' guidance more than parents might think, and that eating dinner
every night with children and teens was a key factor in developing close
relationships with them and keeping them away from the temptations of drugs.

Those temptations certainly loom in front of teens; about two-thirds of the
kids surveyed said they could buy drugs in their schools.

Parents have long fretted about how to keep their kids away from those
drugs. They have endorsed Drug Abuse Resistance Education, Red Ribbon Weeks
and other trendy programs. That kind of community stand against drugs may
help, but research in 2001 reveals what parents in 1951 knew from common
sense and intuition: Parents have the largest influence, and parents who
stay close to their kids usually get good results.

It is important to make a distinction, though, between being "hands-on" and
being strict and authoritarian. Hands-on parents set rules but respect and
listen to their teens' point of view. Authoritarian parents rule with an
iron fist, which can backfire and cause kids to rebel, sometimes by using
drugs.

It takes work to be a hands-on parent. But like all effort at parenting, it
can pay off in avoiding big problems later.