THE PARTY LINE

A couple of Saturdays ago, my wife, Angela, and I came home from a late
afternoon movie to hear alarming news from our daughter, Claire: A
classmate of hers had been killed in a car accident the night before.

A few hours later, when Claire went out with friends, as she does many
Friday and Saturday nights, I couldn't stop worrying.

I imagined all the dangers that might await an 18-year-old girl in the
anonymous night -- reckless drivers, creepy boys,alcohol and other drugs.

And I knew that Claire could be exposed to every one of those if she ended
up at one or more of the parties that are a staple of Alexandria teenagers'
weekend nightlife.

The wild party scene has become ingrained in the culture of our teens,
regardless of family background or income, and parents like me are confused
and ambivalent about what to do about it. Take the party scandal of the
current school year: Last December, a gathering of more than 200 young
people at the home of a St. Stephen's and St. Agnes student whose parents
were out of town was busted by police, and 23 teens, all but one of them
students atthis Alexandria Episcopal school, were taken into custody.

I must admit I was amused by the image of kids from the tony private school
getting loaded into patrol wagons.

But I also sympathized with the parents. I'm sure that when their kids left
home that night, not one parent believed they would become so intoxicated
that they'd be failing Breathalyzer tests by 9:30 p.m. In fact, that very
evening, Claire and I had been having a rare Saturday night together when
one of her friends called to alert her to the revelry just a few blocks
away. The father-daughter time was over just like that as out the door she
went. When she came back within the hour, I was surprised, but two days
later I learned why: She told me that as she was pulling up to the party,
she had seen the police and decided tohead back home. (Several of my
students at T.C. Williams, it turned out, were among the revelers, but they
boasted of having been "too smart to get caught.")

Over the years, my students have told me a lot about what happens at
parties. They've said that many of them simply drink to get drunk as fast
as they can and that the designated driver is often the one who "only has
four beers." So why did I let Claire go when I knew the temptations kids
face at these gatherings? Was I rationalizing that next year Claire will be
in college and she had better learn to take care of herself?

Was I just trying to avoid an argument?

The answer, to be honest, is that, like many parents, I'm at a loss.

There was no way I was going to tell Claire she couldn't go to a party with
"nice" kids a few blocks away on a Saturday night.

I know I have to trust her to do what's right, to follow her conscience and
learn from her mistakes. At the same time, like most parents, I deplore the
weekend party scene and fear that I'm being too lax and letting my child
walk into temptation. But at least, as a teacher, I have a leg up on many
adults. When it comes to being aware of their children's whereabouts after
they leave the house, lots of parents are, as the kids say, "totally
clueless." They don't realize that teens are pros at covering up what goes
on in the course of those weekend nights.

I'd rather believe that kids are always honest with their parents, but I've
learned that even the best of them lie or shade the truth. "Some parents
have these meetings every couple of weeks about keeping their kids in
control," says T.C. Williams senior Brian McCarthy. "They don't know half
of what their kids are doing.

The meetings are just gossip sessions.

Kids can so easily deceive their parents."

Danny Smith, another senior, says that some kids have "learned not to
straight-out lie, but edit what they say. 'I'm going to hang out with
friends' could mean that they'll be at a friend's house for five minutes,
then go out into the night to see what's going on. They take pieces of the
evening -- the ones their parents won't object to -- and weave them together."

Ironically, the cell phones many parents give their children in order to
keep in touchhave become essential teenage tools for keeping parents in the
dark while enjoying the party life to the full. Senior Caroline Moncure,
president of T.C.'s Key Club and a girl anyone would be proud to have as a
daughter, told me that "cell phones and beepers are the major arteries of
communication -- of spreading the word where the best parties are. It's
much harder without them."

Caroline explained that "everyone is part of two or three little groups.
With cell phones you can all get together over the course of the night.

The object," she told me, "is tobum rush a big house where the parents are
away. Most times it's not the fault of the host. Many kids will have just a
few friends over, but once the word gets around that the parents are away,
kids storm the place."

Danny says that some groups will send out a scout to check for the best
parties. "When he finds a good one, he'll call a friend on his cell phone
and tell him to get the word around," says Smith, who also described the
craft ofinfiltrating a big party without an invitation or good contacts.
It's wise "to split into small groups and then, when the party has gotten
real wild, you go in," he says. "It's best if the host is a weak person.
Once you have breached the walls and gotten to ground zero, no one will ask
any questions.

In big parties you don't even see the host."

Alexandra Knezo, a senior, says that some kids "spend the whole night
driving around chasing calls.

When the parents call the cell phone to ask what they're doing, a lot of
kids say they are going to dinner.

There's no way of tracing their whereabouts when they have cell phones."

All these students are classic "good kids," some of them top scholars on
their way to great colleges.

But it's kids like them who, because they do what they are supposed to do
during the school week, can easily avoid suspicion and get away with a lot
on the weekends.

Senior Blair Cantfil, a bright and witty girl, finds the party scene good
theater.

She described a gathering where most of the revelers were drunk when calls
started coming in warning that the police were on their way. "It was like a
scene from a war movie.

The house emptied in 10 seconds.

About 60 kids, some girls in high heels, charged toward a fence in the back
yard and scrambled over it. Then you heard a big splash.

One guy had fallen into the neighbor's pool."

As wild as the party life may seem, there is some consolation for parents.
Caroline says that while there is a teen drinking problem, she also has
observed many teens acting responsibly at parties. "If a girl slips up and
gets totally drunk, other girls and her guy friends will protect her from
predatory boys and see that she gets home safely," she says. "Most kids are
careful not to drive after drinking a lot."

That may sound like teenage rationalization, but Bethesda child and
adolescent psychiatrist Lawrence Brain told me the same thing. "Kids today
have a heightened sense of responsibility about the dangers of alcohol and
other drugs," Brain says. "It's a phenomenon like the decline in teen
pregnancy. Instead of just preaching abstinence, society put a value on
safe sex and the message has gotten through.

Instead of trying to prevent all teen drinking, which is like trying to
control the tide, a value has been put on avoiding the dangers that come
with drinking -- alcohol poisoning, date rape, drunk driving, violent behavior.

Things are toned down today from what was going on 10 and 15 years ago. You
no longer have gangs of boys from D.C. and Montgomery County private
schools fighting each other with clubs and vandalizing property like they
were."

But Brain is concerned that young people of this generation "don't believe
the rhetoric of the establishment about marijuana.

They see it as just a parental control issue rather than the reality.

It's been demonstrated that marijuana affects cognitive functioning and
memory and leads to apathy and lack of motivation. But it's been getting
more popular with adolescents for a long time."

When senior Clayton Doyle told me that Ecstasy is the new drug on the party
scene, I thought she might be exaggerating, but Brain confirmed what she
said. "Ecstasy is the drug of choice among many teens.

It's joined marijuana, alcohol, nicotine and acid as the principal drugs of
middle-class kids."

It's distressing to hear from Brain and from students that the urge to let
loose on weekends and indulgein forbidden substances seems to start
young.One T.C. junior says the party culture comes into full bloom in
eighth and ninth grade. "Staying away from alcohol and drugs was stressed
up until about sixth or seventh grade, but then it all stopped," she says.
"Attitudes change.

Kids start experimenting and forget everything they've learned in D.A.R.E.
Most parents can't or won't do anything.

They think it's other parents' responsibility because their kid is the
angel of the group -- it's other people's kids who are involved."

The student thinks that high schools should play a bigger role in attacking
the alcohol/drug culture. "There are kids coming to school high," she says.
"Some drop a couple of shots of vodka in their coffee during lunch." I
admit that although I've taught for more than 30 years, I didn't recognize
when students were using drugs until recently.

Now I know to ask parents whether a teen who is bright but vegetating in
class has a marijuana problem. Surprisingly, parents often admit that is
the case, and seem grateful for my asking.

Talia Glasberg, another senior, thinks the only way to cut down on teen
drinking is to raise the driving age. "If kids couldn't drive until they
were 18, parents would have to drive them to parties and pick them up," she
says. "With a car, it's too easy to drive off and say you are going to the
movies and then go wherever you want."

But most of my students finger the legal drinking age of 21 as the
motivator behind their weekend indulgence. Danny Smith says "the drinking
laws are a joke. We can go into battle and kill someone, vote and drive a
car by the time we're 18, but we can't have a drink until we are 21. That
gives kids a lot to rebel against and leads to excess." One very bright
girl told me that "half the fun of drinking is going out and buying the
booze, because it's forbidden."

In a world where so much is instantly accessible to young people, telling
them they can't drink beer until they are 21 seems to them like an
artificial restriction created by hypocritical adults, many of whom are
packing AA meetings.

At the same time, teens find it hard to believe that society is really
serious about a legal drinking age of 21 when they see the television
airwaves flooded with seductive, often hilarious ads glorifying beer and
featuring beautiful young women andyoung men who look the same age as many
of my students.

Certainly one of the largest factors propelling teens toward alcohol excess
is the fact that drinking is so much a part of the American culture.

My conviction was reinforced after I talked to some foreign students.

Usman Akhtar came here from Pakistan nine years ago, so he has had a lot of
time to be corrupted by American teens.

But though he goes to parties, Usman doesn't drink. "It's a matter of
self-discipline and respect for myself, my family and my religion," he
says. "My parents never drink and have pushed me not to. But I can see if
you are brought up in a culture where your mom and dad drink, it is not a
big hurdle for you to start doing so."

Ultimately, it's up to us parents to steer our children in the right
direction. Several students said that when theydecided to be upfront with
their parents and told them they drink, their relationship greatly
improved. The parents appreciated the honesty and were glad to have a
realistic picture of what was really going on with their kids. "My parents
don't endorse it, but at least they know it's happening," said one. "It
helps them get rid of the distorted images they have of parties -- that
they are like scenes from 'American Pie' with everyone plastered and having
sex all over the place.

The parties where I drink aren't like that."

Another top student who admits to drinking but says she doesn't plan to
talk to her parents about it until she is 21, offered a different slant. "I
don't get the parents who sanction drinking," she said. "If teen drinking
is a taboo, then teens have to live in fear that they'll get caught, that
their parents will get angry.

If parents have taught their kids how to make the right decisions, to be
decent people, then the kids will make smart decisions about parties."

That's what Angela and I have tried to do with Claire. I know we can't
control exactly what she does when she's out and having fun. Sometimes she
may do things we'd rather she wouldn't do. But every time she goes out the
door and heads into the night, we know there's a pretty good chance she'll
make the right decisions.

Patrick Welsh teaches English at T.C. Williams High School in Alexandria.