REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY -- LAST UNTESTED STRATEGY IN DRUG WAR

(U-WIRE) FORT COLLINS, Colo. -- A report recently released by the National
Research Council concludes that federal, state and local governments spent
approximately $30 billion on illegal drug enforcement and treatment in 1999
alone. Furthermore, $6.3 billion has been spent on "drug education"
programs over the past 10 years.

Unfortunately, these countless "drug education" programs have only
marginally reduced market demand for narcotics, especially among American
teens.

Most of these "drug education" programs include detailed guidelines
instructing parents on "how to talk to their kids about drugs."

First and foremost is the principle of opening up earnest and honest
dialogue between parent and child so that the dangers of drug use are fully
and completely detailed. Direct communication, the "experts" naively
maintain, is the key.

Personally, I believe the majority of these "drug education" programs,
although well-intentioned, are far more likely to encourage adolescent drug
use than to discourage it.

Preposterous, you say? Allow me to explain.

Before we begin, place yourself in the shoes of a disaffected and
militantly apathetic "at-risk" teen: You see only the weaknesses of the
system which demands your blind participation. Your grown-up overlords are
lame hypocrites, and your friends and peers are overwhelmingly poseurs. You
examine our culture's empty ideals, and the value placed in your health and
future plummets significantly.

After yet another monotonous day of high school oppression, you listlessly
enter your suburban home and start up the stairs to your bedroom -- the
familiar setting for another solitary evening spent listening to headphones
and staring out the rain-streaked window.

Before you reach the top of the stairs, however, your parents/legal
guardians call your name. You slowly turn around and notice that they are
seated together at the living room couch.

"What?" you say, in classic pubescent exasperation.

"We'd like you to 'hang' with us tonight so we can have a little 'rap
session' about drugs and how 'uncool' they are." Both parents smile smugly
with their strategic use of hip teenage vernacular.

What will follow would almost certainly push any pissed-off adolescent into
the nefarious and hazy world of daily drug-induced stupor.

Want a more effective "drug education" strategy? Pretend you are the same
teen, embarking up the same stairway to your bedroom when your
parents/legal guardians once again halt you halfway up.

This time, however, they're bent over the living room coffee table,
snorting white lines of powder off a mirror with a rolled-up $20-bill.

They look at you with wild, bloodshot eyes and say, "we thought it'd be fun
if (sniff) we all experimented with blow tonight. Y'know ... as a family."

Viola! One "troubled" teen is easily and safely delivered from the dangers
of illicit drug use forever!

And parents don't even have to use real cocaine -- powdered milk looks
exactly the same, is much cheaper, and has no side effect other than giving
the impression that drugs are "like, sooo incredibly stupid."

Now pretend you're the clever adults in question. You can even go so far as
to forbid your rebellious teen from hanging out with her or his
"ping-pong-playing, loser friends." That would virtually ensure that they'd
start running with the right, clean-cut crowd!

Implement this revised, more effective "drug education" program for a
couple weeks, and imagine eavesdropping this choice tidbit from your teen's
hushed telephone conversation:

"Hey, you wanna come over this weekend? My parents are gonna be gone ...
they're going to Amsterdam to tour hash bars ... how totally lame is that?
Reggie and Cindy are coming over, too ... it'll be fun ... I just got the
new Celine Dion album ... we could listen to that while we play laser tag
or have a Bible study ... sure, we can make milkshakes ... my parents are
so stupid, they'll never know."