POTHEAD'S HIGH A LOST UTOPIA

(U-WIRE) BLOOMINGTON, Ind. -- For those of you who are high, I've got some
bad news. Like the Supreme Court totally ruled against your drug, man.
That's right, no more medical marijuana, according to the "highest" court
in the land. And for some reason, I don't feel bad.

I'm a little confused by the controversy. People are upset because they
can't light up, but yet we're in the presence of marijuana's third cousins
- -- morphine and codeine. It doesn't make sense. After all, if you've got
cancer, surely there are worse things than not being able to make out with
your favorite bong.

What's funnier was the amount of people trying to contract Legionnaire's
Disease in the hours before the Supreme Court's ruling came out.

"Hey Doc, could you like write me a prescription for some pot, man? I'm
feeling really bad!"

Of course you are. People with glaucoma were crying hysterically at the
news. I guess they'll just have to revert back to Visine. Now I know I'll
be called "insensitive" and "mean," but the argument for medicinal
marijuana is just stupid.

Of course marijuana works; no one is going to argue with that. After all,
when you're stumbling drunk and high as a kite, how much pain can you
really feel?

I've broken entire appendages while under the influence of alcohol and
didn't feel a thing.

"Hey James, let me hit you with this aluminum bat, man -- you won't feel a
thing!"

People in this country are just looking for excuses to do something
illegal. And let us not forget the old ladies with real prescriptions for
pot who turn around and sell them to the nearest dealer faster than you can
say "dime sack."

I feel for those in pain. I've endured many, many pains, and I know how
much it hurts. But as Michael Stipe of REM so eloquently put it, we all do,
so get over it.

I'm no doctor, but I don't understand what marijuana can do that
prescription painkillers cannot.

I know people who smoke pot on a regular basis, and believe me, if there's
anything the world does NOT need, it is more people who crave 24 burritos
from Taco Bell at 4 a.m.

Now I'm not saying that all marijuana users are the same. I'm sure there
are those who actually benefit from the legal use of the drug, but if
marijuana is proven to have medicinal qualities, will cocaine and heroin be
far behind?

In essence, drugs are all the same. Some have far more drastic effects on
an individual than others, but when it comes down to it, they all alter
your state of mind in one form or another.

The Supreme Court is simply avoiding the possibility of discrepancies in
their rulings. By allowing one drug that has been widely defined as
illegal, they would simply be opening the floodgates to later claims that
other drugs like cocaine serve the same medical purpose as marijuana.

This ruling will not stop those who use marijuana for medicinal purposes.
In fact, it won't stop people who use it recreationally. It at least weeds
out those companies who were allowed to legally spread a drug that is
considered by most state governments to be illegal.

Like I said, I'm no doctor. But I have been drunk before, and I have taken
codeine tablets before, and in all honesty, I didn't really notice a
difference between the two. There are alternatives to those who truly need
assistance in dealing with their medical conditions, so why should they
depend on an illegal drug to help them manage their pain?

If you convince me, well, you're probably high.

(C) 2001 Indiana Daily Student via U-WIRE