AGENCIES CAN INTERVENE WITH TROUBLED TEENS

Roxanne Feldkamp feverishly scribbled notes as dozens of social
workers told her why their drug-treatment centers were not
appropriate for her 16-year-old son. With phone call after phone
call, she came up empty-handed searching for an in-patient program.

Some were out-patient or voluntary, but her son would not willingly attend.

Others needed a court order to treat adolescents, which she did not
have for him since he had not been convicted of any crimes.

Some suggested the Feldkamps wait until they could secure government
funding, though the Hudson, Mich., couple was willing to pay for
their son's care.

Meanwhile, Aaron got worse. He went from occasionally cutting class
to staying away from home for days at a time. His "B" average
plummeted. He progressed from verbally abusing his brother to more
physical violence. And he admitted to regularly using marijuana.

His parents did not know what to do.

"My concern was for this child as he started to nose dive. All I was
trying to do was save this child," said Mrs. Feldkamp, 46.

Desperate to keep him home until a treatment site was available, she
admits to chaining Aaron to 180 pounds of tractor weights in a
basement bedroom of their farmhouse.

Arrested by Hillsdale County sheriff's deputies earlier this month,
she and her husband, David, 56, are facing a charge of felony child
abuse, punishable by up to four years in prison with a conviction.

"The only other thing I could have done was sit on him and make sure
he stays home," she said.

Parents disciplining their teens by chaining them in the basement may
seem an unheard of, extreme measure to many. But as children's
behavior gets less controllable, parental frustration reaches the
level of the Feldkamps.

"People don't understand the desperation that parents experience when
their child is using, and they don't have easy answers on how to deal
with it," said Jay Salvage, executive director of the Lucas County
Alcohol and Drug Addiction Services Board.

Parents such as the Feldkamps are struggling with a question that has
no simple answer: How can they find effective help for teens who are,
at best, unruly, and at worst, a danger to themselves?

"My heart goes out to parents who are at their wits' end. There is no
one more creative than a teenager who wants to rebel. We are
overmatched as parents," said Lucas County Juvenile Judge James Ray.

Judge Ray, family counselors, and parenting experts recommend parents
start by establishing behavioral standards and consequences early in
a child's life.

"I think you start by letting your kids know what your expectations
are: 'I expect you never to use,'" Judge Ray said.

Families should be having ongoing conversations about drugs and
alcohol, as well as other behavior issues, said Bruce Johnson,
division manager of chemical dependency programs at St. Anthony's
Villa.

Nearly 43 percent of high school seniors reported using marijuana
last year in the same study.

If parents want to prevent their children's drug use, they should
follow their own advice not to smoke or drink to excess, Mr. Johnson
said.

"Kids hear what you say, but they see what you do," he said. "If the
parents make good decisions, kids will see that, and they'll model
the behavior they see."

Sherry Krieger, a social worker at Connection Point, recommends
parents have a member of their extended family or a close friend
available for support when arguments with teens cannot be quickly
resolved at home or when behavioral issues become ongoing.

"You can get third-party input from a neutral person involved who can
offer suggestions, listen to both sides of the situation, and help
the family come up with the resolution or whatever's going to help
that situation the best," she said. "Allow the child especially to
have some freedom in who they talk with, though it needs to be a
responsible person."

But parents such as the Feldkamps need additional help and guidance
when their teens start acting out, becoming more rebellious or
violent, and using drugs, Judge Ray said.

"At the first sign of the deviation and sneakiness and lying that is
often concomitant with alcohol and other drug use, you jump in and
instead of hoping it will go way, you become very active," he said.

"That does two things. One, it lets your child know that you really
care, even though the child doesn't want you to behave that way; and
the second thing is that it might just save them from a horrible
waste of their lives."

The stories of parents who have "jumped in" are told in frustrated
voices, but they offer suggestions for what may help restore families
with children who are rebelling beyond safe boundaries.

"Dawn," who asked that her real name not be published, is a Toledo
mother with an adopted son who was taken from his biological mother
after repeated abuse.

Eight-year-old "Mike" sees a counselor twice a week, attends an
alternative school, and has been hospitalized for psychiatric
treatment. Despite intensive therapy, he runs away.

So each night he sleeps in his bed in Dawn's bedroom, behind double
dead-bolt locks that his mother considers the third grader's
protection from the dangers he'd face on the streets.

She likens her actions to the Feldkamps.

"Basically that's what they did with their son. They put him in a
place where he couldn't run away, and he couldn't get out. They know
he's safe there. They're not trying to hurt him," she said.
"[Although] I agree that the degree of the confinement that it
appears that the couple resorted to was extreme."

Dawn now has experience as a foster parent with Lucas County Children
Services and a child adopted from the agency, a school system willing
to provide special programs, a school counselor linked to a local
treatment program, access to crisis mental-health services for her
son, and knowledge of how the criminal justice system handles runways.

But she knows the difficulties in finding the right services and
coordinating them, especially when first searching for help.

"People say there are resources, but when you try to use them,
they're not there," Dawn said. "That's the hard part. I guess you
have to take it one step at a time."

Many service providers say help is available to those who seek it
out, but parents say they feel alone when searching to save their
children. And often they reach a dead end.

William Pope, an intake coordinator at a Farmington, Mich.,-based
inpatient drug-treatment center, said children end up in the court
system before they are eligible for an inpatient program. But many
families are like the Feldkamps who wanted to save their child before
they end up with a criminal record or worse.

For those parents, they can only choose from outpatient and volunteer
treatment programs.

"It's really rough for a lot of people because a lot of counties
don't have anything for people who have kids heavily involved in
substance abuse," said Mr. Pope of Boy-Girl Republic. "There are
treatment centers, but the kid has to check in and stay in. With
kids, that's not very feasible."

Some additional help does exist for adoptive parents such as the Feldkamps.

Lucas County Children Services established a department of pre-and
postadoption services 11 months ago to provide continuing assistance
to families with adopted children from the agency and elsewhere.

"Adoption is a lifelong process for that person. When these families
adopt, it's a lifelong process for that family too," said Donna Seed,
pre/post adoption supervisor. "Adoptive families go through an
amazing array of emotions. These children can be very challenging,
and sometimes families need to know that support is there when they
hit those periods of crisis."

"I don't think families are really aware of all the services that may
be available to them," Ms. Seed said. "Sometimes it's very hard to
know where everything is or to have a central number to go to and
say, 'Can you help me?'"

Adoptive parents in Ohio are eligible for up to $15,000 a year per
child to help pay for medical or psychiatric treatments. Through the
Post-Adoption Special Services Subsidy, or PASSS, program,
established in 1992, Ohio families with children under age 18 can
apply for financial assistance through the Ohio Department of Job and
Family Services.

In Michigan, the Family Independence Agency is working to offer a
wider array of post-adoption services, said Jean Hoffman, adoption
program manager. But the agency believes strongly that the family
should try to meld together without interference, she said.

"Essentially when a family adopts a child, the agency is no longer
involved, except on a voluntary basis," Ms. Hoffman said. "We and
they expect that when a person adopts a child, the system is no
longer in their life, and they are assuming a parental role."

Bonnie, who asked that her last name not be used, has four adopted
children and is raising a niece in her Toledo home. When her
13-year-old son started staying out all night and admitted using
drugs, she got scared for him, her family, and herself.

"I knew there was something wrong here that was more than I could
handle," she said. "I started to worry that he would be in danger if
I didn't get some help."

Bonnie knew to call Lucas County Children Services, the agency from
which she adopted him. Caseworkers there recognized problems, she
said, and helped her find counseling for her son and herself.

She called for police intervention when he ran away, scheduled
sessions with her clergy, sought support from other parents, and
enrolled her son in multiple residential drug-treatment programs.

"I want him to know that we've still got his best interests at heart.
I don't want him to feel abandoned," she said. "He's got a lot of
positives that are promising."

It took Bonnie's careful navigation of several systems, aided by her
documentation of all the events, before she got help for herself and
her son. First, she had contact with school officials when her son
acted up. Then, she had Children Services caseworkers and
postadoption counselors. She and her son entered the criminal justice
system when police brought him home as a runaway and when he was
charged after a fight. Finally, three drug treatment programs have
admitted him.

She has found benefits from each of the experiences but wishes more
comprehensive services were available.

Her complaint is common, according to Deacon Dzierzawski, executive
director of the Lucas County Community Prevention Partnership.

"Systems fail parents. Sometimes it's unintentionally. Sometimes it's
by training. We tend to look at ourselves as the child-rearing
experts and not the parents," he said.

"Usually the kids we end up with are in these dire situations. The
parents aren't equipped with the right things. We as social service
systems tend to look at parents not as helpers but as hinderers. We
don't do a very good job supporting them in doing what they do."

One Toledo group is focused only on helping parents helping their children.

A United Way agency, the Parents Helping Parents' group's four staff
members and dozens of volunteers organize weekly support group
meetings at eight Toledo, Oregon, and Findlay sites.

Directed and founded by Barb Laraway, whose 14-year-old son was
running away and using drugs in the 1980s, the group offers its
members support, comfort, and true compassion and understanding to
each other and help find the tools to help "fix" their families.

"We're all geared to take care of our kids; that's our job," Ms.
Laraway said. "We are so scared that our kids are going to die."

Mr. and Mrs. Feldkamp had such fears and continue to worry about
their son, although now they are not able to contact him. The state
placed him and his younger brother in foster homes.

The Feldkamp family's future is in the hands of the court, with the
next event a Wednesday juvenile court hearing on Aaron's status.
Regardless of what promises to be a years-long struggle, Mrs.
Feldkamp thinks time will change everyone's perspective, especially
Aaron's.

"I think my son will grow up and understand why I did what I did,"
Mrs. Feldkamp said. "He will understand when he grows out of it and
matures."