WHO CARES WHAT JENNA BUSH DRINKS

It's rainy and dreary this week, but I don't care because I'm going to see
Jimmy Buffett this weekend. Enjoy your umbrellas in Peoria, while I traipse
off to the tropical wonderland of Wisconsin.

So, to get in the laid-back spirit, I won't go through the hassle of
actually writing an entire column, but I'll clear my head of all
scattershot option, observation and mental debris:

Speaking of Margaritaville: I have two questions about Jenna Bush's
underwhelming brush with the law, which the TV windbags no doubt soon will
hype into MargaritaGate:

Exactly why does anyone, except President W and Mrs. W, care about a
19-year-old who tried to get served alcohol? Unless she's going from Texas
undergrad to ambassador to Sudan, I don't think we have much to worry about
here.

Why on earth would the eatery in question, upon realizing Jenna Bush's
chicanery, call 911? Isn't 911 for emergencies? Apparently, Austin has no
real crime. Or maybe it's hard to get a decent margarita in Texas, so each
one undergoes painstaking regulation and oversight.

Wasteful tax relief: First, Washington wastes money by giving us a $1.35
trillion tax cut that could otherwise be put to better use. Of course, I
don't mind an extra $600, but I'd be happier if I didn't have to fret that
Social Security and other underfunded programs will certainly crumble by
the time I get old enough to use them.

And now it will waste more money with a goofy check-distribution system.
First, the IRS will send every taxpayer a letter stating whether they're
eligible for the refund, the amount of the refund and the date the refund
will be mailed.

Here's an idea: Send letters only to the unqualified taxpayers, and send
the others actual checks. That might save a few zillion pounds of paper and
a pretty penny in postage.

Runways to nowhere: How much longer will the governor push for the airport
in Peotone?

I can't see spending $5 billion on a new airport rather than $2 billion to
add runways to O'Hare. The airlines would have to suck up those costs, but
guess who'd end up paying in the end? If you think it costs a bundle to fly
to Chicago now, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Moreover, no traveler wants to drive more than an hour to get to an
airstrip in the middle of nowhere. And Peotone, in which I spent a year one
weekend, is nowhere.

That's not an insult. Nowhere care be fun. There's less traffic and hassle,
and usually fewer politicians. Utopia.

But - assuming carriers could find some saps to actually fly to Peotone -
the airlines would have to immediately whisk them to Chicago, because there
are precious few services in Peotone.

It has six eateries, the quality of which I'm sure is underscored by (this
is a real name, I kid you not) Mayberry Junction. There are three
nightspots - Edwin's, the Second Street Tap and Suzy's Saloon, none of
which conjure images of dazzling neon along Rush and Division - and
absolutely no motels.

Sure, one might guess an airport would increase Peotone's service economy.
Maybe. But would you want to build a swank new hotel or restaurant in the
middle of a cornfield?

Decades ago, something similar worked in Las Vegas when they plopped
casinos in a desolate desert. But there wasn't another casino an hour away.