PLAY IT COOL WITH YOUR POT-SMOKING SON

Dear Sheldon,

A few weeks back, my wife was helping our 19-year-old son pack his
belongings to get ready for a summer job in the north. She happened
to come across some cigarette papers and a plastic bag of what was
obviously marijuana. She asked him about it and he explained that he
was an occasional user, and had been for the last year. Later that
day, the three of us had a talk to discuss the matter.

As parents, I think we kept our cool. Our son was quite open about
his use. We didn't make any conclusive decisions or take any action
and decided to talk about it more when he returns in August.

We aren't sure how to handle this issue. My wife and I were never
involved with drug use of any kind during our youth, although we like
our drinks occasionally.

Our son is a great young man who has never given us a problem. We
don't want to alienate him, nor do we want to be negligent as
parents. What are your thoughts? -- Concerned in Comox

Dear Concerned,

I strongly commend you for dealing with the situation calmly and
promoting open discussion about this matter. I am also pleased that
your son didn't lay some lame excuse on you like, 'Oh, it belongs to
a friend,' and that he took responsibility for what you found.
Climbing all over young people when you discover something about
their lifestyle that shocks or disappoints you only serves to
collapse communication and make more family trouble.

You asked for my thoughts on marijuana. I believe that it is the
ultimate hypocrisy to have marijuana classified as illegal while
alcohol is marketed as a glamorous thing to ingest. In all my years
of practice, I have never seen a case of family violence associated
with the use of marijuana. Marijuana in combination with other
substances perhaps, but never have I seen violence and marijuana go
hand in hand. On the other hand, one can often predict that alcohol
will be involved with spousal abuse, street crime, or some terrible
driving offense.

I think marijuana should be legal and regulated like alcohol. Having
said that, marijuana is not for everyone. I hate the idea of
youngsters using marijuana before their brains are fully developed.
Marijuana can be a destroyer of motivation in youngsters and adults.
Some users get very anxious, even paranoid. There, you have my
thoughts. It is up to you to decide if you agree.

You also have the right to decide if you wish to allow an illegal
substance in your home. By all means, continue talking with your son
and make sure he is well-informed about what he takes into his body,
and that he is responsible about his behaviour while he is under the
influence. Consult your provincial alcohol and drug commission for
information. Your calm approach is the best.

E-mail your questions to: swalker@globeandmail.ca