shut up noah

how ironic

yeah noah whats my name

everything is superficial and surface-level.
everything is based on getting-under-the-skin.
you say you're happy, i say otherwise.
i say, i know you better than you do.

and i'm past this.
and i am myself.
and i am not preoccupied with the same old shit.
and that is where there is the divide.
this is the divide.
this is what places me in the beyond.

and this makes me happy.
i will never be part of you.
i will never fit in.
i will never be part of the crowd.

this needs to be said.

fuck you.
fuck the fakers and the haters and the jealous.
fuck those with no direction.
fuck those who know no evil.
fuck everyone who stands in your way.

you only have yourself.
for now, and forever.
be always alone.
be alienated.
take pride.

your loves, your hates your wants mean shit.
its all drugs and booze and bonding therein.
there is no such thing as time.
there are no values
and no direction.
someday this will all end
and i will say my life was happy
but not because of my friends,
or my enemies
but because of my greatest loves.

and no one understands that.
but thats ok.
at three am everythings fine.

this is primetime.

ive been waiting for this drunken moement for so long...

I LOVE EVERYBODYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

ya and who bailed on the bus?

NOT A CHANCE.

shotgun.

NO IIIIII CAME UP WITH EXPIRED MILK.

WHY COD? WHY NOT DEATH IN THE FORM OF A TEDDYBEAR??

ISA WATCH OUT.

if youre gonna drink sangria, get two bottles.

take a number.

whats my name noah?

trust me you can have him isa

people who used the word punked

this:

[ f l o a t ]

ca. 2001

...and it was said too in some circles, she returned in the guise of the serpent.

...

kali, the dark one, the black petal of night, adorned in human heads and moonglow pearls...

...

oh she was something, was our maeve... she laughed, she could take on thirty men on the battlefield, or in bed, and we knew it to be true...

is forever

this life is all about aquisition and gain and wanting something more or something you dont have.

WHY?

someone tell me that.

is it progress?
is it greed?
is it selfish self-indulgency in the urgency of this very moment that our vile and crippling society dictates that we have to further the pursuit of capitalist consolididdly incorpamagiggly?

i dont know.

...

think of this line, think of how absolutely shallows and horrible this is: material things make me happy.

i have want of nothing right now. i have it all.

this is all marty's fault:

nofx - "vincent"

Starry, starry night,
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul

Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land

Now I understand what you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry, starry night,
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of China blue

Colors changing hue,
morning field of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand

Now I understand what you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now

For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night
You took your life, as lovers often do
But I could have told you, Vincent
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you

Starry, starry night,
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless head on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget

Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in the ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me
How you suffered for your sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they're not listening still
Perhaps they never will

i haaate this threaaaaad

made: falling asleep next to squishhead
made: sleeping in
made: finishing 3/4 projects for next week
made: that 70s show
made: resisting the urge to go shopping

ruined: very indecisive saturday night

do i wanna party tonight?
or do i wanna mellax.

i dont want to do my hair or get dressed. im too lazy right now. to comfy in front of my lucy mollycoddling my pixels.

not to fall back onto religion here, but for what scottype just said: extreme change can be effective. highly effective.

but somethings you just cant control, its beyond your temporal little exitence.

for me it was something i can describe with religion, but essentially it wasnt faith that put me in this position, it helped me rationalize a little when i was at my very worst.

and if you did decide to go that route, i will tell you from expereince the change will be way more of a struggle than anything you're probably facing now - not to objectify or belittle your experience, thats not what im trying to say at all. there is something much more challenging out there, but its for you to find it for yourself and make that decision when its presented you with the choices.

human beings are not wise creatures, we're playthings subject to our own emotions.

i'm really not trying to talk out of my ass here either, i'm just humbling my own experience. through it all, ive come out stronger. and i am happy because of it. but im still fighting it, because there are still inconsistencies everywhere.

...

my writing skills have gone to shit. i understand what i just said but i doubt anyone else will get it. that scares me.

maple syrup?

beeer

tobee man, i dont know you, but i think you need to come back to m-dot

but i wish i had his hotmail accound registered on this computer

yes i do ya know

waiting in the west island to go downtown and get drunk.

tricia making fun of snufflygooglbear

psychic ravewave vibes?

boring

in three words or less:

SONG IS WRONG.

no hablo espagnol.

but the song is WRONG.

^^ you cant.

rely only on yourself. always.

step three to enlightenment.

...

i know this will be read by someone and to that someone NO I AM NOT STARTING AGAIN. THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEAN. thank you.

donde esta retraite?

yes but the correct spelling is PUTA.

as in the spanish song we used to sing in highschool

soy una puta

the british have a really great sense of insults

prat
wank
git

*hums*

give me back my site
give me back my site
give me back my site
YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

do do do do do
do do do do dee

give me back my site
or ill get my boy to crash your ip

do do do do do
do do do do dee

your a fucking deadman
and your domain name sucks donkey baaaaaalls
thats right donkey baaaaallllllls
big hairy donkeyballllllllllls
i hope you die.

do do do do do
do do do do dee

its soccer your british git
not fucking football
give me back my site
give me back my files
you took away my login and subdomain but
buuuuuuut what whaaaaaaaat
youre a fucking deadman you big prat

give me back my site you big prat
(oh hes such a big praaaaaaat)

do do do do do

...

i wrote it myself.

its actually putA