| Posted On: | 2005-04-10 00:00:00 |
What a totally fucked up weekend.
Friday night was a fucking blast, it was also a real eye opener.
What am I doing? Why am I so naive and why can't I move on.
Why do I have to care so much.
Well, I got a look at myself from someone elses perspective and im happy I did. Im happy for the first time in so very long. but I can't stop crying, because its not fair.
I shouldn't be so sad because of someones incapability to feel.
You know those type of people you spend so much time just trying to get them to understand your point of view, you could drive yourself crazy over? No matter how many times you say it, no matter how many diferent ways you try, you just never ever ever get through, you just end up making things so un believebly bad, that all you can do is just turn and walk away.
As you start to leave everything behind, you start to realize everything you're giving up, and you just can't decide which is the right choice? Well thats where I am, im not sure what im letting go of, but it hurts, and it hurts a lot.
One thing I know is that its working, I already find myself forgetting and caring less and less. Things that should bother me dont. And the things that do bother me are all relative in the sence that im sensitive and careless pricks will always be there to knock others down. But I am strong and I believe that things only affect us as much as we let them, and from now on, all the things that have prevented me from being the person I trully am, and all these bad emotions that I have let control my life for so long are gone. When I was uploading some baby pictures I couldnt stop looking at one and thinking over and over again "thats me, a pure and innocent soul, untouched and unharmed by all the harms this world will put her through".....but thats me, a kind and gentle and wonderful soul that will live her life to the fullest and enjoy the good times, laugh and cry at the bad times, and who will always try her hardest to provide for herself and for those who are worthy.
