2008 October:

So I'm new to rave.ca, so I guess I'll try to see what stuff is about. I'll start with a journal.

Let's see, I'm staying home late today because I called in sick. I don't really feel like going to school right now, but while I'm here I guess I'll get some homework done, so it's not a total waste of time.

For the past 7 weeks, I've been living in a deep pool of shit, trying to swim my way out. A couple of days ago I saw the light, it was exactly what I've been waiting for, what I've been dreaming about.
I got a second chance that nobody ever gets, and it made my day, and the day after that etc. However, for some reason something doesn't feel right, I feel as if it's a cosmetic happiness, like there's something still not right.
I don't know what to do about it though, how are you supposed to react when what you've been hoping for isn't cheering you up? Is it something else, that's totally irrelevant? Am I wrong, is this not at all what I actually want? I don't know.
But that's not even it, it's as if she's the only important thing to me right now, I don't care about much right now but I no doubt care about her.
I'm extremely grateful for what I've been given, and I'm going to try not to fuck this up, I'm gonna keep it forever, or as close to it as possible, because I love this girl, and I won't willingly give that up.

EDIT: So I was feeling shit for the rest of the day, until I went to school to go see her and now I feel better :)