2008 March:

2007 December:

2007 November:

2007 May:

2007 March:

2006 November:

buenos aires by night is a strange and mysterious land, full of drag queens and implanted ladies, and last night i discovered the existence of a new type of creature that lurks in this fair city of mine....

cocoliche, approximately 3:30 am.

i just guzzled down the last beer. i can barely move, the place is packed, men who look more like women than i ever will surround me and i'm pressed against my friend as there is no room to dance. i've only just met him, through other friends, and already i'm trying to figure out if i should listen to my inner slut or leave it be. he's not my type, but there's something about him that makes the monster inside me growl - maybe it's the dark eyes and the full lips, or maybe it's the cheekbones, or maybe that he kind of looks like a latino ian ashbury, i don't know for sure... but this little venezolano is something, alright, and i know for a fact he's one of those bad boys your mother always warned you about.

maneater started to play so i made my move, just like any maneater would. the effect was instantaneous and within seconds we were in a cab, doing whatever it is drunken people do when they decide to follow eachother home. in my case this is generally something that gets me kicked out of cabs, and yet this cab driver said nothing. enjoying the show?

sube el volumen a la musica pornografica, por favor. era la primera vez que una chica te la chupó en un taxi? a ver tu cara, parecia que si... ni importa...

this guy is hot, i'm thinking, holy mother of god. is there some kind of rehab i can enroll in for latin men? because jesus fucking christ, i can't get enough, i always need more, more, more. it's quite a delicious addiction but it could get me in trouble, or maybe not enough, who knows.

someone told me a girl slit her wrists when this guy didn't call her back and i can see why. wow. bring it on. ok, no, that hurts, don't bite so hard... fuck what part of me screaming do you not understand that shit FUCKING HURT. yeah i know, hearing a girl scream gets you boys all excited and makes your egos grow (amongst other things), but no it wasn't a yelp of pleasure.... oh my god is that blood? sweet! i've hit the jackpot! dale duro papi!

and so on, and so on, until i passed out from overexertion.

this morning i came to and saw the heavily tattooed figure snoring next to me and figured it was my cue to sneak out. but i couldn't move my neck. seriously, could not move my neck. i get up and check in the mirror and oh what's this?

WHY CAN I SEE EVERY GROOVE OF THE TEETH IN YOUR MOUTH ALL OVER MY NECK?

Then I saw the note that was taped up to the door. it said

"It's cool to be a vampire."

Well look at that. I went home with a Venezuelian vampire. What do you know. That's why I felt hypnotised. Hrmf.


Moral of the story: Before engaging in any sort of drunken intercourse, please make sure that the person you're involved with doesn't try and EAT YOU.

Unless of course you like that sort of thing.