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Bombing
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» mdc replied on Thu Mar 6, 2003 @ 9:53pm |
 Coolness: 149495 | FROM TERRY JONES (MONTY PYTHON) IN THE OBSERVER LATE LAST MONTH:
I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience, and so am I! For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what. I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a mass murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one. Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people. Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. Until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want! That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way. Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up. Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a_good enough Reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens. And interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come. It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast To what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead replied on Thu Mar 6, 2003 @ 9:59pm |
 Coolness: 686270 | Monty Python guys > everyone |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» ontheroadagain replied on Fri Mar 7, 2003 @ 1:36am |
 Coolness: 55015 | SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!! :lol
I hope everyone in the U.S. gets to see this!! Thanks for posting this,it made my night!! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» neoform replied on Fri Mar 7, 2003 @ 1:37am |
 Coolness: 340345 | John Cleese rocks! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» somekid replied on Fri Mar 7, 2003 @ 2:04am |
 Coolness: 85685 | Subject: Apology to the USA
Courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes CBC Television: On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him. I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice. I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we Feel your Pain. I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons. And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way, which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with. Thank you. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» ontheroadagain replied on Fri Mar 7, 2003 @ 2:20am |
| Coolness: 55015 | hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
This is the best thread!!! Dry,witty humour! |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» mdc replied on Fri Mar 7, 2003 @ 9:22am |
| Coolness: 149495 | I LOVE Rick Mercer!!!! that guy's fucking HILARIOUS |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» flatlinedive replied on Sat Mar 8, 2003 @ 11:50pm |
| Coolness: 64585 | HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH
that was awesome i almost choked i was laughing so hard |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» giorgio_moisi replied on Sun Mar 9, 2003 @ 1:55pm |
 Coolness: 56080 | |
Bombing
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